


i need you (i can't breathe without you)

by jincess



Series: hybrid!au [3]
Category: GOT7, JJ Project
Genre: Abuse, Abusive Relationships, Acting Major Park Jinyoung | Jr., Alternate Universe - College/University, Baking, Car Accidents, Domestic Fluff, Dreams and Nightmares, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Established Im Jaebum | JB/Park Jinyoung | Jr., Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hospitalization, Hospitals, Hotels, Hurt/Comfort, ITS NOT MENTIONS ANYMORE THEY USE IT, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Sex, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Light Angst, Minor Injuries, Music Major Im Jaebum | JB, Nail Polish, Nightmares, OK UH UPDATE LMAO BC IM ADDING MORE CHAPTERS, Past Abuse, Past Relationship(s), Photography, Physical Abuse, Pizza, Psychology Major Park Jinyoung | Jr., Recreational Drug Use, References to Depression, Shoplifting, Sick Character, Soft Im Jaebum | JB, Stress Baking, Swimming Pools, THATS RIGHT HOES NYOUNGS DOUBLE MAJORING WE LOOOOOOOVEEEEEE A MAN, Worry, but .... not really, don't worry this is not from the main characters!!!!! im sure u guys can figure out who its frmo, guys this is 30 fucking pages on google docs, i cant believe i never put that tag what te fucj, im pretty sure this is all :)!!!!, in the paST bc we trust im jaebum!!!!!, it's not even implied it happened but everyone's okay :), jackson wants markbam to get high off of catnip he wants the Research, jaebum loves his strawberry milk, jaebum takes pics of jinyoung bc hes cute like me too tf, jaebum's back injury is here yeah, jinyoung is jaebums baby boy sorry i dont make the rules, jinyoungs a server at this rly fancy restaurant ugh LEGEND, just a heads up, mentions of weed use lmao, promise rings, sort of but not really its ok dont worry everyones a-ok, the first chapter is the main thing uwu its 12508 words hi, they did the Nasty, verse 2 in terms of the song making happens but in a different way, wang gae park gae is mentioned like five times lmao, when are we getting rid of jr, why is this A Tag.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-22
Updated: 2018-08-13
Packaged: 2019-03-07 22:26:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 25,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13444695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jincess/pseuds/jincess
Summary: the journey of jaebum and jinyoung's relationship, from when it started to present day





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lullabymv](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lullabymv/gifts).



> TJIS SHIT IS 12K WORDS PLS APPRECIATE THIS IM GNNA CRY I FINALLY FINISHED THIS DAMN THING
> 
> anyway this is jjp in hybrid au!!!!!!!!!! angst is actually to a minimum and the title makes it seem angsty but it's not ok? :) i hope u guys enjoyed!!!!! i tried to tag everything;;;;;

jinyoung wants to leave.

 

he wants to leave this hell, but he’s not sure how he can, when he can, or if he can even do it in the first place.

 

he takes a deep breath, weighing his backpack in his hands. he could say it today. he could say it today and leave immediately. but what if he’s not quick enough?

 

he hears the bedroom door open and jinyoung grips his backpack tightly. he hears his lover come downstairs, calling out for him, and jinyoung takes a deep breath before stepping out of the kitchen.

 

“hey, babe,” jinyoung’s lover says, and jinyoung can immediately tell that he’s starting to be drunk again. jinyoung’s more afraid at this fact, and his sudden confidence has gone away. “where ya goin’?”

 

“class,” jinyoung manages to say, voice cracking as his lover approached him and strokes his cheek. “you kn-know i have to go.”

 

“but can’t you _stay_?” his lover drawls, continuously stroking jinyoung’s cheek. “c’mon, stay with me.”

 

jinyoung takes a deep breath. it was now or never. “actually… i’m going to leave. i want to b-break up.”

 

the silence is deafening, and jinyoung immediately tries to leave, but he feels his wrist being grabbed. he squeezes his eyes shut before opening them as he’s tugged back, and he lets out a whimper at the dangerous look in his lover’s eye. “ _what_ did you say?”

 

“i-i want to … to b-break up—”

 

jinyoung startles when his backpack is tugged away from him, eyes going wide in fear as his lover stalks closer to him. “why would you say that?”

 

_why would you say that_ . jinyoung’s multiple bruises throb with slight pain — against his cheekbone, his chest, his legs, his abdomen. his scalp flared in dull pain as a reminder of all the times he’s been hit. the self inflicted wounds all over jinyoung’s arm suddenly burn again. _why would you say that_.

 

jinyoung cries out when his backpack is swung at him, trying to duck but being unable to do so in time. he vaguely remembers he has a textbook in his backpack as it hits his temple, and jinyoung collapses to the ground. his chest constricts as he starts to panic, eyes watering up with tears as his head throbs with pain.

 

his _lover_ bends down next to him, gripping jinyoung’s hair and tugging his head up, and jinyoung gags at the reek of alcohol being breathed on him as his _lover_ says, “you _can’t_ and _won’t_ fucking leave me. who else would want your whore self? _i_ don’t even want to be here, but i’m taking pity on your pathetic self.”

 

jinyoung’s eyes squeeze shut as his hair is let go of harshly, making his head fall back and hit the ground. _he wants to die._ he doesn’t want to be here anymore.

 

_jaebum_. jaebum’s supposed to come by and pick him up so they can get to their classes together. why wasn’t he here yet?

 

jinyoung’s _lover_ suddenly stands and lets go of jinyoung’s hair, going back upstairs. jinyoung gasps for breath as he shakily reaches for his backpack, and once he pulls it close, he takes his phone out, shakily unlocking it and sending a single text to jaebum.

 

_hurry. please._

 

jinyoung shoves his phone back in his pocket, ignoring the sudden influx of text messages that he assumes are from jaebum. he tries to stand, but he ends up falling back down. he keeps himself up on his hands and knees, trying to stop his vision from spinning. jinyoung vaguely hears his _lover_ storming back downstairs, and jinyoung lets out a shaky whimper when he hears something be thrown towards him and crash against the coffee table behind him.

 

“why do you want to leave, _huh_ ?!” his _lover_ screams at him, brandishing another alcohol bottle at him. “is it that jaebum guy? huh?!”

 

admittedly, yes. it was jaebum. jinyoung had fallen out of love with this _lover_ of his a long time ago, but he could never leave. he knew that he wasn’t loved back -- maybe was never loved besides the first month or two -- and he began to fall for jaebum, slowly but surely. he could still never leave, always afraid of what the reaction would be.

 

_it would be this_.

 

the front door opens, and jinyoung immediately knows it’s jaebum -- he’s the only one who has an extra key to the apartment. jinyoung whimpers when his _lover_ turns his head towards the door, and jinyoung can see jaebum freeze up from the corner of his eye. “wh-what -- jirongie?”

 

“oh, you’re here to see the _whore_ ?” jinyoung’s _lover_ laughs lowly, and jaebum’s eyes flicker over to jinyoung in surprise. “he wants to leave _me_ for _you!_ how pathetic!”

 

jinyoung lets out another cry as his _lover_ kicks his stomach, curling in on himself as he whimper in pain. _it’s nothing new_. he should be used to this already.

 

the next thing he knows, jaebum’s swinging his fist at jinyoung’s _lover_ , giving jinyoung a bit of time to crawl away from them. as soon as jinyoung’s _lover_ is knocked to the ground and groaning in pain, jaebum rushes over to jinyoung, helping him up and patting his cheek. “jinyoung-ah? hey, can you hear me?”

 

jinyoung nods weakly, and his head _hurts_. he’s pretty sure that the kick to his stomach opened a wound on there that hadn’t been properly healed and wasn’t stitched up at a hospital. he’s proven correct when jaebum gasps, saying, “you’re bleeding! fuck, jirongie, come on, let’s go, you already have all your stuff at my place anyway…”

 

jinyoung’s eyes are focused on his _lover_ behind jaebum, and he lets out a little noise in the back of his throat as the man starts to stand, gripping his beer bottle. jaebum turns and immediately pulls jinyoung down as the bottle is thrown at them. it shatters against the wall, and despite jaebum covering most of his body, jinyoung lets out another noise of fear when some shards graze against his neck and hands. jaebum steadies him gently before storming over to jinyoung’s _lover_ , pulling his arm back and punching him again.

 

jinyoung stares at his _lover_ when he looks at jinyoung, eyes almost shut, and jinyoung manages to spit out, “fuck you. i’m through.”

 

and then he faints.

 

* * *

  


when jinyoung wakes up again, he’s in jaebum’s bed at his and jaebum’s house. his eyes flutter shut with relief, glad that he had gotten away. he should’ve never stayed over at his _ex’s_ house for such long periods of time, but his _ex_ had always had large bursts of anger at the concept of jinyoung staying with jaebum.

 

jinyoung’s eyes open again when he hears the bedroom door open, and he tilts his head to the side to see jaebum peeking in to check up on him. jaebum lets out a noise of relief and comes into the room with a tray of food. he sets it on the bedside table and immediately sits next to jinyoung, who tries to sit up and winces in pain. “hey, hey, be careful. you have stitches.”

 

jinyoung frowns and, once he sits up properly, he pats his stomach, feeling the stitches. he looks at jaebum, who answers the unasked question, “you were passed out for over 12 hours. it’s ten at night.”

 

jinyoung pouts, and jaebum immediately reassures, “it’s okay. don’t worry about it. i don’t mind taking care of you, and i rushed over to all your classes to get all your new notes and homework. they’re giving us both a week of excused absence — pretty weird, right? they’d never do that, but all i had to say was that the star student was in the hospital and bam! there we go.”

 

jinyoung manages to chuckle a bit at jaebum’s nonsense rambling, making jaebum smile in relief. he picks up the tray again and places it on jinyoung’s lap, whispering, “come on. you need to eat.”

 

jinyoung nods and starts to eat carefully, his hand shaking as he eats. jaebum stays next to him and helps him whenever jinyoung gets too shaky. when jinyoung finishes, jaebum puts the tray back to the bedside table before turning to jinyoung properly. “are you feeling okay?”

 

jinyoung nods silently, and jaebum takes a deep breath. “may i ask you something? or, two things?”

 

jinyoung nods once more, and jaebum gently lifts jinyoung’s sweater sleeve. he runs his finger against all the self inflicted scars all over jinyoung’s arm, making the younger flinch with a whimper. “are there more? was your ex that bad?”

 

jinyoung purses his lips, and he whispers, “he was. and there’s maybe two on each thigh. a few on my other arm. i’m sure you’ve seen all the b-bruises and all; those are from _him_ .”   


jaebum sighs with a nod, and when jinyoung motions for him to ask the second question, jaebum gently asks, “is what he said true?”

 

“what part?”

 

“that you wanted to leave him for me?”

 

jinyoung looks down, and jaebum immediately backtracks, saying, “i’m sorry, i didn’t mean to be blunt--”

 

“it’s true,” jinyoung whispers. “to an extent, at least. i was going to leave him, yes. i … i do like you. i fell out of being in love with _him_ a long, long time ago, but i could never leave.”

 

“i like you, too,” jaebum whispers back, and jinyoung looks at him in surprise. didn’t his _ex_ tell him that no one else would love him? was this a joke jaebum was doing? “don’t give me that look -- it’s not a joke. i really _do_ like you.”

 

“i’m not ready,” jinyoung blurts suddenly, before suddenly curling in on himself in case jaebum lashed out. “i-i’m sorry. i just -- give me a bit to heal up and clear my mind, okay? i really do want to be with you, but--”

 

“hey, i understand,” jaebum says gently, stroking jinyoung’s cheek. “maybe not on a relatable level, but i understand where you’re coming from. i won’t force anything onto you. i can refrain from too much affection, if you want…?”

 

jinyoung lets out a scared noise, and jaebum quickly backtracks, “okay, i won’t do that. cuddles and forehead kisses are okay? nothing more than that?”

 

jinyoung’s shoulders sag with relief, and he curls up against jaebum. “that’s good,” jinyoung agrees softly. “i’d like that.”

 

jaebum gently kisses jinyoung’s forehead, making jinyoung’s eyes flutter shut sleepily as he mumbles, “come back… ask me properly in two weeks or so…”

 

“that’s fine,” jaebum mumbles, kissing jinyoung’s forehead again. “let me take care of you, jirongie. making sure that you get better is much more important to me than immediately starting a relationship with you.”

 

* * *

  


three weeks pass, and jaebum finally properly confesses to jinyoung after he knows that jinyoung is comfortable and healthy again. jinyoung shyly properly confesses back with a little smile. they end up cuddling on the couch and watching disney movies while jinyoung complains about the plots about them all.

 

(it makes jaebum smile about how jinyoung allows himself to just be -- _himself_. he’s always wanted to hear jinyoung talk about movie plots and such more often because jinyoung’s an acting major, and he’s glad jinyoung’s warming up.)

 

two months pass, and there’s a new person living with them -- jaebum’s friend, jackson wang. he had technically moved in two weeks prior, but he had only started staying with them since the last week. jackson and jinyoung had gotten close fairly quickly, which led to jackson constantly teasing jinyoung and jaebum. jinyoung always hid his face against jaebum’s chest, which made jaebum grin fondly as jackson pretended to gag.

 

jaebum’s now putting down the book he’s been reading for the past half hour, furrowing his eyebrows in confusion. jinyoung had went upstairs ten minutes ago, saying he’d be back down in a minute or two, and that he was just going to get something. jaebum stands and goes upstairs, checking their room. he frowns when he doesn’t find jinyoung and enters the restroom after a hesitant knock. when he doesn’t get an answer, he peeks in, suddenly letting out a gasp.

 

he rushes in and falls to his knees, patting jinyoung’s cheek in worry and panic. jinyoung’s collapsed on the ground, eyes shut and his chest barely moving. jaebum looks around and he lets out another gasp when he sees multiple pills scattered everywhere, pill bottles strewn here and there, and he suddenly understands what happened.

 

and he screams.

 

“ _jackson!_ ” jaebum screams, hurriedly pulling jinyoung up to sit on his lap so he can be ready to carry him up. “jackson! come quick!”

 

jaebum feels tears springing up to his eyes as he hears jackson run upstairs. jackson bursts into the bathroom, and he furrows his eyebrows until he sees jaebum looking up at him with tears in his eyes with an unconscious jinyoung on his lap. “wh-what -- hyung?!”

 

“call an ambulance,” jaebum chokes out, and the tears start spilling down his cheeks. he lets out a sob and pulls jinyoung close, “jackson -- p-please--”

 

“what happened--”

 

“jackson, _please!_ ” jaebum says, voice cracking as he starts crying even more. “get an ambulance or -- or  get the car ready, i don’t -- i don’t fuckin’ _know_ , just h-help me get nyoung to the damn _hospital_ \--”

 

jackson takes his phone from his pocket and exits the bathroom as he calls for an ambulance, and jaebum pulls jinyoung even closer to him, nuzzling his nose against jinyoung’s hair as he starts sobbing, unable to catch his breath. he rocks himself and jinyoung back and forth, whimpering, “i’m so sorry, nyoungie. i’m so _so_ sorry. i’m sorry, i should’ve checked up on you more, i should’ve made sure you’re okay. fuck, i’m so sorry…”

  
  


jaebum and jackson are waiting anxiously in the hallway of the hospital for any news on jinyoung. jaebum’s only sniffling now, way too exhausted and out of tears to continue crying. jackson clasps his hands nervously, taking a deep breath before whispering, “jaebum…?”

 

jaebum lets out a tiny hum of acknowledgement; there’s another sniffle but jaebum still doesn’t look up.

 

“can i … can i know … what caused jinyoung to do this?” jackson says quietly. “i mean -- obviously, depression, but -- did something… happen?”

 

jaebum stays silent for a while until he finally sits back and looks over at jackson. his eyes are still rimmed red because of all his crying, making jackson feel awful for him. “... his ex.”

 

“huh?”

 

jaebum purses his lips and tells jackson of jinyoung’s past relationship -- how it was abusive and awful for jinyoung’s health. it was a combination of physical, verbal, and mental abuse, and it had taken its toll on jinyoung. he tells jackson how he managed to get jinyoung out of there, and jackson feels his fists clenching in anger. “i’ll fucking beat his ass--”

 

“i did that already,” jaebum manages to chuckle weakly. his expression falls shortly after, and he whispers, “i’m scared, jackson-ah. i want him to be okay…”

 

“he _will_ be okay,” jackson reassures immediately. “i’m not just saying that to cheer you up; jinyoung’s strong. he’s definitely going to be okay.”

 

jackson opens his arms, and he’s slightly surprised when jaebum immediately moves in closer and lets jackson hug him. jackson just holds jaebum close, rubbing his back gently. soon, jaebum pulls away and lets out another sniffle. “thanks…”

 

they stay silent for a while, each other’s presence being the slightest comfort for one another. soon, a doctor comes out and approaches them. jackson and jaebum sit up immediately, listening as the doctor tells them of jinyoung’s condition. as soon as jaebum hears the words, “he’s okay”, he buries his face in his hands, letting out a little sob of relief.

 

jackson pulls up jaebum after thanking the doctor when he leaves, whispering, “hey, hey. see? he’s okay. the doctor said we can visit him, but he doesn’t know if he’ll wake up, since he’s resting.”

 

jaebum trips over his feet while getting up, but jackson doesn’t tease him for it. jackson leads him into the room and gently helps him into the chair next to jinyoung’s hospital bed, knowing that if he let go, jaebum might collapse in shock. he sits in the chair on the other side of jinyoung’s bed, letting out a grim smile as he sees jaebum grip jinyoung’s hand in his, pressing a kiss against it before holding it tightly and against his forehead.

 

they wait in silence for half an hour until jackson notices jinyoung shift slightly. he watches with wide eyes as jinyoung opens his eyes slowly and turns over to jaebum. jinyoung slowly removes his hand from jaebum’s grip and strokes his hair gently with a soft smile.

 

jaebum jerks up in surprise, eyes wide as he stares at jinyoung in surprise. jinyoung’s smile widens a bit more, whispering, “hey, bummie.”

 

jaebum’s bottom lip trembles, and he silently starts crying all over again, reaching over to gently hug jinyoung. jinyoung lets him, and he continues to stroke jaebum’s hair to soothe him.

 

jackson fiddles with his fingers, feeling as though he shouldn’t be watching in on something so intimate. as soon as he knows they’ve pulled away from the hug, he looks back up to see jaebum finally cracking a little smile at jinyoung, who whispers, “i’m sorry.”

 

jaebum nods, unable to say anything. jinyoung then turns to jackson, eyes full of guilt as he says to him, “i’m sorry to you, too. i must have… worried you as much as i did jaebum.”

 

“it’s fine, jinyoungie,” jackson says, smiling weakly. “are you okay? wait, fuck, that’s not a smart thing to ask, of course you’re not.”

 

jinyoung lets out a little chuckle as he reaches up to ruffle jackson’s hair. “i get what you mean. i’ll be fine. i promise.”

 

jackson bites his lips worriedly, but he nods to what jinyoung said. jinyoung turns back to jaebum and speaks gently to him, as jaebum’s managed to find his voice. jackson zones out as he lets them speak to one another, looking at jinyoung’s arm. the sleeve had shifted up, exposing his wrist and forearm, and jackson lets out a little gasp at all the scars on his arm.

 

jinyoung looks over in confusion, and when he sees where jackson’s gaze is at, he flinches and shoves his sleeve back down. jackson looks up at jinyoung with wide eyes, mouth slightly open in surprise. “jinyoung…?”

 

jaebum sighs and presses another kiss onto jinyoung’s hand that’s still in his grip, and then he says, “i told you of jinyoungie’s ex. that’s how bad it was; he caused jinyoungie to harm himself like this. there’s a few on the other arm and one or two on his thighs.”

 

jackson continues to stare in shock, and jinyoung smiles grimly at him as he tells jackson, “it’s okay, sseuni. i haven’t harmed since jaebum helped me, i promise. i’m … i’m better, in a way. my current situation may not say so, but i _was_ better.”

 

jackson nods quietly, taking jinyoung’s other hand in his and squeezing it gently. jinyoung smiles at him gently, whispering, “talk about something, anything. please.”

 

jackson smiles and starts to talk about random things, knowing that jinyoung didn’t want jaebum to brood for long. jaebum ends up smiling weakly by the time they’re told that visiting hours are over. when they were told that they had to leave, jaebum immediately stiffened up, but jinyoung had reassured him that he’ll be fine. jaebum had only cheered up when jinyoung added in a kiss for extra reassurement, making jackson tease them lightly to bring up the mood.

 

they’re now at home, and jackson peeks into jaebum’s room to check on him real quick before he went to sleep. “hey, hyung. don’t stay up all night, okay? i know you gave jinyoung his phone to keep in contact with him if he’s awake, but you should really rest well.”

 

“what happened to the constantly teasing jackson?” jaebum chuckles weakly. “but thanks, man. i won’t. you rest as well, okay? i’m sure nyoungie would want you to rest well, too.”

 

“of course,” jackson grins, making little finger guns at jaebum. “the wang gae park gae friendship must continue!”

 

jaebum laughs a bit louder, making jackson grin wider. “i know. it will. good night, sseuni.”

 

“g’night, hyung.”

 

* * *

  


jinyoung was released a week later, and jackson’s never seen jaebum so clingy.

 

jaebum has rarely let jinyoung out of his sight, the only times being when jinyoung needed to have some privacy. (with jaebum’s logic, that excluded showers, but jackson doesn’t bring it up; he’d really rather not).

 

jaebum’s at work now, so that means jackson is on “jinyoung protection duty” in the words of jaebum. jinyoung’s currently curled up on the couch, a blanket wrapped around him as he eats chips slowly and watches tv. jackson’s sitting next to him, jinyoung’s head not exactly on his lap, but close.

 

jinyoung shifts and looks up at jackson, whispering, “jackson?”

 

“mhm?”

 

“thank you.”

 

jackson furrows his eyebrows, looking down at jinyoung. “what are you thanking me for?”

 

“for cheering up jaebum when i was at the hospital or when i’m napping and he’s just gloomy,” jinyoung says softly. a smile as soft as his tone appears as he continues, “so thank you. jaebum’s depressed as well, you know? his dad was a dick. i won’t say anything else but -- thanks for just… cheering him up with your little jokes.”

 

jackson wants to ask more about jaebum, but he holds back, knowing this wasn’t the time and he shouldn’t get the information from jinyoung. “hey, it’s no problem. of course i’d help out the both of you. i won’t just stop out of nowhere. besides! we’re _wang gae_ \--”

 

“park gae,” jinyoung giggles, wrapping his blanket tighter around him. “thank you again.”

 

* * *

  


jinyoung soon recovers fully, and jaebum’s no longer as down as he was before. two more people moved in with the three of them -- youngjae and yugyeom. jinyoung had immediately started to coddle them and be protective of them (and if anyone teased jaebum about staring at jinyoung with even more love in his eyes as jinyoung did this, he would simply glare with the blush on his cheeks giving him away).

 

jinyoung’s now happily entering their house, waving at jackson, youngjae, and yugyeom, who are all laying on the couch and playing against each other in mario kart. “hello, kiddos!”

 

“what’s got you in such a mood?” jackson asks as he pauses the game, making the younger two whine. he’s genuinely curious -- jinyoung’s never come back from classes with this bright of a mood.  


“ _i_ was the first in my class to get approval on my script and to start filming,” jinyoung says, a proud tone to his voice; he’s been working hard on this script, and to have the immediate approval of his professor for the first time made him extremely proud.

 

jackson, youngjae, and yugyeom evidently believe so as well, giving him their compliments and congratulations. “you should tell jaebum hyung!” youngjae says, grinning happily. “i’m sure he’ll be just as proud, if not even more proud!”

 

jinyoung nods in agreement, letting the three of them go back to their game as he rushes up the stairs. he immediately enters his and jaebum’s room, putting down his backpack and taking off his shoes, then laying down on the bed next to jaebum happily. jaebum sets aside his lyric book and his pen, turning over to give jinyoung a kiss, mumbling, “hey, nyoungie.”

 

“hi,” jinyoung whispers with a soft smile, leaning back for another kiss. “guess what?”

 

“hm?”

 

“my script was the first to be approved by my professor,” jinyoung says, his smile widening when jaebum lets out a gasp. “i get to have an early start on it. we can start whenever we want.”

 

jaebum starts to smile back at jinyoung, an immense feeling of proudness within him. he leans back in to give jinyoung another kiss, a longer one this time, and jinyoung fists jaebum’s shirt to pull him closer. when jaebum pulls away, he leans his forehead against jinyoung’s, whispering, “i’m so proud of you. you deserve this, you really do.”

 

jinyoung’s smile widens even more, making jaebum nuzzle his nose against his. jaebum presses a quick kiss against jinyoung’s lips, mumbling, “i have some news for you, too.”

 

“oh?” jinyoung shifts a bit so that he can face jaebum properly. “what is it?”

 

“i finished the music for my song,” jaebum says, grabbing his phone and his lyric book. “i can record it soon.”

 

“that’s great!” jinyoung breathes out, cuddling closer to jaebum, taking one of the earbuds and putting it in his ear to listen to the music. he nods along to the beat, his eyes closed, unknowing of jaebum watching him with a fond smile. jinyoung opens his eyes to see jaebum looking at him, to which he blushes lightly and says, “can i see the lyrics?”

 

jaebum hands him the lyric book, and jinyoung looks at the already open page where jaebum had messily written down the lyrics. “when are you going to record? i want to support you.”

 

“actually,” jaebum says softly, a hint of shyness in his voice, “i want you to record this for me. i want this to be a song _we_ make.”

 

jinyoung slowly looks up at jaebum, eyes wide. “r-really?”

 

“you always have me in your videos, don’t you?” jaebum chuckles. “i really wanted to let you record with me for other songs, but it didn’t seem special enough for the both of us, you know?”

 

jinyoung nods, looking back at the notebook with a shy smile. he reaches out for jaebum’s phone, replaying the music and looking over the lyrics. jaebum watches with what jackson calls his “dumb, lovestruck expression” as jinyoung mouths the lyrics to himself, continuously replaying the first few seconds of the song as he tries to think of a way to sing it.

 

jinyoung lets out a little sound of victory, jaebum assuming that he figured something out. eagerly, jinyoung replays the music, tapping his fingers against jaebum’s thigh to the beat as he sings softly, “ _why must i decide about tomorrow, today? how should i know what tomorrow will bring? my path and my dreams are fading_ …”

 

jaebum’s mind quickly registers the rhythm and leans in closer to jinyoung, gently intertwining his fingers with jinyoung’s. “ _if i could turn back time and see my future, i would know which way to go, i would know where my path is._ ”

 

the two of them continue to sing the lyrics, replaying certain parts a few times to try a different way of singing the lyrics. as they sing, jinyoung starts to realize what jaebum means by wanting this song to be something special that could allow jinyoung to record with him. it wasn’t that jaebum didn’t want jinyoung to sing the other songs he had composed and recorded; the lyrics of this one simply felt more intimate, more personal than the other ones jaebum did. jinyoung can pinpoint the lyrics that were things jinyoung and jaebum had actually said, whether about someone or to each other, but in their personal conversations nonetheless: “ _but i stop myself and try to have courage_ ”, “ _why are you telling me to choose, when i only have my eyes half-open?_ ”, and a few others.

 

they finally manage to figure out the song together, and jinyoung looks at jaebum, who’s scribbling down little notes as to what parts jinyoung would sing. jinyoung watches in surprise as jaebum gives him just about half the lyrics -- he had expected to just have a small singing part. “jaebummie?”

 

“i told you, jinyoungie,” jaebum says, lips tugging up to form a smile as he looks up to make eye contact with jinyoung, eyes filled with fondness. “this is going to be _our_ song. not mine, featuring you. it’s _our_ song, where we _both_ sing. i’m not sure of it yet, but when i have time to myself -- i have one or two other songs done. we could make more -- who knows? you already know i upload the songs for my music class up onto the internet -- soundcloud, youtube. we could do our own little album with this song -- not for the views, not for the opinions. let it be for us, _about_ us. what do you say? shall we do it?”

 

jinyoung tears up a bit at jaebum’s little proposal, a tear falling down his face as he lets out a little hiccup. jaebum shifts closer and cups jinyoung’s face, wiping away the tear with his thumb, the soft smile staying on his face as he whispers, “don’t get all emotional on me now, you’ll make me cry, too.”

 

“you’re the one that started it with your dumb cute idea!” jinyoung whines softly, trying to hide his face. jaebum chuckles a bit, gently stroking jinyoung’s cheeks. “o-of course i want to do it, you idiot. you’re so _dumb_.”

 

jaebum lets out a snort, pulling jinyoung close and letting him hide his face against jaebum’s chest. jinyoung fists jaebum’s shirt as he hiccups about how dumb jaebum is to even _ask_ that to jinyoung when _of course_ he’d say yes.

 

soon, jinyoung calms down, looking up at jaebum with a pout. “you’re still a dummy.”

 

“yeah, yeah,” jaebum coos, moving so he can kiss jinyoung. “i’m still _your_ dummy, though. that’s never gonna change.”

 

* * *

  


“where are we going?” jinyoung questions as jaebum continues to drive; the sun’s just setting, and jinyoung can’t help but admire the soft golden glow that’s being casted against jaebum’s skin. “where are we going that has to do with us packing some clothes?”

 

“just a long drive,” jaebum hums, glancing over to flash jinyoung a quick smile before he turns his focus back onto the road. “we’re staying in a little motel for the night, and we’re just going to explore and all. little relaxing period for us from the others, you know?”

 

jinyoung nods in understanding, pulling his knees up to his chest. “are we almost there?”

 

“half an hour, maybe,” jaebum replies. “i’m going to check us into the motel and then we’ll just go out to eat or something.”

 

letting out a hum, jinyoung curls in on himself, mumbling, “i’m gonna nap. wake me up whenever we’re gonna eat.”

 

jaebum nods and he turns down the radio volume a bit so it won’t disturb jinyoung as he falls asleep.

 

when jinyoung’s shaken awake, he sits up and rubs his eyes sleepily, looking outside the window. he lets out a little snort, mumbling, “really? why are we at target?”

 

“an _abandoned_ target that still probably has stuff in it,” jaebum points out with a grin, taking off his seatbelt and turning off the car. “come on, let’s go.”

 

jinyoung unbuckles his seatbelt as well and they both get out of the car. jaebum locks the car and shoves the keys in his pocket before taking jinyoung’s hand and leading him to the entrance.

 

“it’s so dark,” jinyoung whimpers, gripping jaebum’s hand. “is the power completely out here?”

 

jaebum shrugs, taking out his phone and using it as a flashlight. he finds a few buttons and he messes with them, jinyoung jumping in surprise as the lights suddenly turn on, although constantly flickering -- not in a scary way, at. “i guess not.”

 

jinyoung grabs a shopping cart and pulls it closer to the two of them. with a bit of struggle and some help from jaebum, he climbs in it and gets as comfortable as he can. “push me, jaebummie!”

 

jaebum laughs and grips the shopping cart, pushing it forward and running and turning. the two of them keep laughing and yelling, jinyoung making fun of jaebum whenever he almost crashes the cart into something. jaebum soon stops in front of the halloween costume section, and jinyoung climbs out of the cart to pick up a lot of the costumes. “c’mon, let’s try these!”

 

“but they’re all for kids,” jaebum grumbles, but he shoves on a witch’s hat nonetheless. jinyoung starts giggling and he puts on a tiara. they start to take pictures of each other as they continue to try on different outfits. jinyoung places a cat ears headband on jaebum, snapping a few quick photos of him being surprised. “hey! don’t take embarrassing photos of me.”

 

“you have some of me, so it’s only fair,” jinyoung giggles. he takes jaebum’s hand and drags him away from the aisle into the clothing racks. admittedly, there aren’t a lot of clothes left hanging up, but jinyoung’s still curious. “let’s go!”

 

“is my baby being rebellious now?” jaebum teases as jinyoung holds up some clothes and studies them. “are you going to steal some clothes?”

 

“it won’t be stealing if no one else knows and it’s an abandoned place,” jinyoung winks, picking out a large red hoodie. “ah! jaebummie, try this!”

 

jaebum takes the hoodie and slips it on, surprised at the fact that it was even big on him. jinyoung squeaks with joy, clapping his hands as he says giddily, “you looks so small! that’s so cute!”

 

jaebum chuckles and takes off the hoodie. he then puts it on jinyoung, and he can’t help but coo when jinyoung looks up at him with wide eyes. “you look even more cuddly than you already are.”

 

jinyoung grins and hugs himself, saying, “we should take this! it’ll be our hoodie, we can share it whenever!”

 

smiling softly and nodding in agreement, jaebum leans in to kiss jinyoung’s nose. “come on, lil rebel of mine. go look around for more things before i change my mind about us taking things.”

 

jinyoung squeaks and starts to look through all the clothing left behind, making jaebum snort in amusement before looking around himself. he finds some cheap jewelry on a rack and inspects them closely. he comes across a pair of promise rings, smiling as he picks them up, tilting it to see the cheap jewels on it glint in the light. “yah, jinyoungie.”

 

jinyoung comes over with his arms full of more sweaters, as well as a few shirts and some pants. when jaebum raises an eyebrow, jinyoung simply says, “i had to get some for the others as well. what is it?”

 

jaebum takes the promise rings out of its packaging and takes jinyoung’s hand gently, slipping the ring on his ring finger. he puts the other ring on his own ring finger, flashing a smile at jinyoung. “there. _now_ we have our own thing amongst the many others we already have.”

 

jinyoung grins with joy, standing on his tiptoes to press a kiss against jaebum’s lips. “thanks, jaebummie. it’s really pretty, like you.”

 

jaebum grumbles in embarrassment as jinyoung coos at him. “are you done stealing?”

 

“don’t phrase it that way,” jinyoung sulks. “but yes, i did! let’s go!”

 

they rush out of the store, jaebum shutting off the power again before they get in the car. jinyoung’s giggling as he puts all the clothes in the backseat of the car, pulling his knees up to his chest again as jaebum starts the car and drives away. he inspects the ring on his finger with a little smile, whispering, “i was serious, this is really pretty. i’m surprised they left something like this there, even if it’s one of the cheap ones.”

 

jaebum simply smiles as he drives; he decides that he shouldn’t tell jinyoung just yet that in his pocket, he has two promise rings that he bought with some of the money he saved up. “yeah, it’s pretty, but it isn’t enough for you.”

 

“what do you mean?”

 

jaebum says nothing, simply pulling up into the drive-thru of a mcdonald’s, making jinyoung scoff in amusement, “really? mcdonald’s?”

 

“it’s food, is it not?” jaebum challenges, grin widening. “i’ll get you your mcflurry thing. the oreos one.”

 

“a large?”

 

“mhm,” jaebum snickers, pulling up to the intercom. jinyoung tugs the hoodie over his knees so he’s completely covered by it, pulling up the hood as well. jaebum turns to check with jinyoung on if he needs anything else, almost bursting into laughter when he can only see jinyoung’s eyes as he gives a thumbs up covered by the sleeves of the hoodie.

 

“you’re so cute,” jaebum teases after he gets the price, pulling up to the window. he gets his card out of his wallet, adding, “you just get cuter every day. are you an angel?”

 

jinyoung whines softly, scrunching up his nose even though he knows that jaebum can’t see the action. he watches as jaebum pays and gets their food, squealing a bit in joy as jaebum fondly passes him his mcflurry. he takes it happily with his sweater paws, pulling down the front of the hoodie a bit so he can sip it. jaebum laughs after he gets the drinks and drives off, saying, “what are you so cute for? are you trying to kill me?”

 

jinyoung just smiles, cheeks bunching up and eyes crinkling up a bit. jaebum shakes his head fondly as he drives up to the motel, unbuckling his seatbelt as he parks. “come on, lil cutie. we gotta get in our room to eat and then rest.”

 

“resting is for the weak, you dummy,” jinyoung grumbles, but he takes the hoodie off his knees so he can unbuckle his seatbelt and get out of the car properly. he grabs all the food as jaebum grabs their suitcase and the drinks, waiting for jaebum to lock the car and put the keys in his pocket. “i want to eat, then swim, _then_ rest.”

 

“but then you have to wait a while before you can swim,” jaebum reminds him as they enter the motel. “you can’t swim immediately.”

 

jinyoung grumbles, letting jaebum lead the way to their room. he enters as soon as jaebum unlocks it, flopping on the bed and sipping his mcflurry again. “come on, i’m hungry! can you be any slower?”

 

jaebum sticks his tongue out at him, setting their suitcase aside and carefully placing the drinks on the night table. he sits next to jinyoung, who happily takes out their food while humming. “i got you a regular meal and your chicken nuggets.”

 

“a blessing,” jinyoung sighs, opening his box of chicken nuggets and popping one in his mouth. “it’s so unhealthy but so _good_.”

 

jaebum chuckles at how happily jinyoung munches on his food, starting to eat as well. he takes out his phone and places it in between them. “i finished the other two songs i wrote; _icarus_ and _find you_.”

 

jinyoung scoots closer as jaebum plays the first song, mouthing along to the lyrics, a little smile appearing when he hears his own voice. they listen to the songs, jaebum softly humming along and the two occasionally singing the lyrics together. when the songs are finished, jinyoung flashes a smile at jaebum, saying, “they’re really good, jaebummie. i’m proud.”

 

jaebum smiles back, grabbing his drink and sipping it. he sets it back down as he says, “it’s only really good because you sang it with me.”

 

“don’t be so cheesy, you dummy,” jinyoung grumbles. he picks up his satchel bag from the ground and takes out a little notebook, setting the bag back down. he flips through the notebook finding what he was looking for, handing the notebook to jaebum while mumbling shyly, “i … wrote something for that little album you mentioned for us to make. it’s not as good as what you can do, though…”

 

“don’t say that,” jaebum frowns, taking the notebook. “it’s not going to be bad.”

 

jinyoung scrunches up his nose and focuses on eating his food as jaebum quietly reads the lyrics to himself, coming up with beats for it in his mind as he reads. when he finishes, he looks up and smiles at jinyoung, saying, “this is really good, jirongie. i guess your writing skills for your scripts also transfer to lyric writing, huh?”

 

“oh, shut up,” jinyoung whines, but then he looks up at jaebum shyly, whispering, “is it actually good?”

 

“why would i ever lie to you?” jaebum scoffs, rolling his eyes fondly. “come on, me lying to you unless necessary would never happen.”

 

jinyoung grumbles under his breath, calling jaebum a cheesy dummy, making jaebum smile at him teasingly. they finish their food and drinks, and jinyoung stretches, saying, “can we at least _change_ into our swimsuits?”

 

“fine,” jaebum sighs, and jinyoung lets out a sound of excitement as he opens their suitcase, immediately taking out their swimsuits and tossing jaebum’s to him. “you know we’ll probably go in like, ten minutes anyway. why do you still listen to me when i say you have to wait? i already told you that’s a myth.”

 

“because you make it convincing,” jinyoung counters before leaning forward and whispering another response into jaebum’s ear. at jaebum’s sudden blush, he cackles and skips off into the bathroom, calling out, “don’t think too _hard_ about what i said!”

 

“fucking tease,” jaebum grumbles, changing out of his clothes into his swim shorts. he slips back on his shirt as jinyoung exits the restroom, flopping on the bed next to jaebum and grinning up at him, saying, “sooooo? can we go now?”

 

jaebum shakes his head fondly and grabs two towels as well as the room card and a waterproof disposable camera, jinyoung happily following him after they put on their flip flops as they leave their room and go out to the pool. jinyoung bounces with joy when he sees that no one else is there -- it’s nearly nine at night, after all -- and immediately strips off his shirt and makes sure his flip flops are off before jumping into the pool.

 

jaebum simply watches with an exasperated yet fond smile as jinyoung pops back up, shaking his head and having water droplets fly everywhere. jinyoung grins up at jaebum, saying, “come on! join me!”

 

jaebum sighs, the fond smile still on his face as he does the same as jinyoung, setting down their things before jumping in. jinyoung yelps when the water splashes on him, laughing when jaebum pops up and shakes the water from his face. jaebum’s smile merely grows wider at the sight of jinyoung being happy, pulling him close and nuzzling his nose against jinyoung’s, whispering, “hey.”

 

“hey,” jinyoung giggles, reaching out to intertwine his fingers with jaebum’s. “i really love you. did you know that?”

 

“of course i do, i love you just as much.”

 

“no, listen,” jinyoung whispers, squeezing jaebum’s hands. “i’m _really_ grateful for you. i know i say it every once in a while, but i really _really_ am. you always cheer me up and distract me from all the bad points in my life. you’ve made me feel safe, i don’t know where i’d even be without you.”

 

jinyoung chokes up a bit, and jaebum leans in to press a gentle kiss against jinyoung’s lips, letting go of jinyoung’s hands to wrap his arms around jinyoung’s waist instead. jinyoung relaxes in his grip, bringing his hands up to rest them against jaebum’s chest. when jaebum pulls away, he smiles softly at jinyoung, whispering, “i don’t want to think of where you’d be if i hadn’t come for you. i don’t want you to think of it, either. just think of staying with me, okay? i’ll keep you safe and happy.”

 

jinyoung smiles back weakly, leaning up to press another kiss against jaebum’s lips. “i just… really love you.”

 

“and i love you, too,” jaebum reassures. he unwraps his arms from jinyoung’s waist to hold onto one of his hands, jaebum’s other hand reaching for the disposable camera. he holds it up and snaps a picture of a surprised jinyoung, who hides his face after the flash goes off. “cute.”

 

“why’d you take a picture of me?” jinyoung whines in embarrassment, hiding his face with his free hand when jaebum snaps another picture. “it’s going to be dark and grainy and i’m going to look _ugly_.”

 

“you’re not ugly,” jaebum says firmly, setting the camera aside. “how many times do i have to tell you this?”

 

jinyoung sighs, pouting at jaebum for him to forgive the younger. jaebum, who was never upset at jinyoung in the first place, simply chuckles at him, reaching out for his other hand. he lifts jinyoung’s arm up, pressing gentle kisses against all of the faded scars littering his forearm. jinyoung looks away in slight shame as jaebum lets go of the hand he was still holding, tracing over the little word carved into jinyoung’s skin: _worthless_. “i know. you don’t have to tell me about how i’m not worthless. i know i’m not.”

 

“that won’t stop me from reminding you,” jaebum insists quietly, bringing jinyoung’s arm back up to press a kiss against the word. “because you’re _not_ worthless. you mean so much to me, to the others back home, to your parents, okay?”

 

“so do you,” jinyoung says, surprising jaebum. jinyoung brings his hand up to stroke jaebum’s cheek, adding softly, “i know you’re on awful terms with your father, but you still have your mom, yeah? you have me and the others as well. you should know that as well, okay?”

 

jaebum slowly smiles, nodding along to jinyoung’s words. “i will. i do know that. thank you.”

 

jinyoung smiles back, whispering, “let’s just enjoy our time, okay?”

 

and they do. they play around in the pool, constantly picking each other up and throwing each other back into the pool. jaebum takes more photos of jinyoung, the latter becoming more comfortable and posing for the camera. soon, they dry themselves off and gather their things, laughing quietly to one another as they quickly go back into the motel.

 

after showering together and putting on their clothes, they cuddle under the covers together, jinyoung laying his head against jaebum’s chest as jaebum lazily strokes jinyoung’s hair. jaebum soon sits up, making jinyoung let out a noise of confusion. “i have something for you.”

 

jinyoung frowns and sits up as well, watching jaebum curiously as he gets something from one of the drawers in their night table. “hm?”

 

“take off your ring,” jaebum whispers, taking off his own and waiting for jinyoung to do the same. he smiles shyly and holds out something, and jinyoung gasps softly when jaebum pops it open to reveal two other promise rings. “these are the actual ones for us.”

 

“d-did you actually buy this?” jinyoung says in shock as jaebum takes out one of the rings and slips it on jinyoung’s finger. upon inspecting it closely, jinyoung hiccups, “is that—?”

 

“our anniversary date? yeah,” jaebum chuckles, twisting jinyoung’s ring a bit. “there’s a rose there, too. on the other side, there’s a moon with a star. i have the same on mine.”

 

jinyoung stops jaebum when the older takes out his own ring, making jaebum raise an eyebrow in surprise. jinyoung gently takes the ring from him to slip it on jaebum’s finger himself, avoiding jaebum’s gaze as he tries not to blush shyly.

 

“you’re so cute,” jaebum coos softly, intertwining his fingers with jinyoung as they lay back down. “what did i do to deserve you?”

 

“it’s more of what did _i_ do to deserve _you_ ,” jinyoung remarks cheekily, cuddling closer to jaebum.

 

“is that so?” jaebum hums, gently stroking jinyoung’s cheek. “either way, maybe it’s just fate, hm? let’s think of it that way.”

 

“that’s so cheesy,” jinyoung groans, but he accepts it either way, eyes fluttering shut. “just shut up about being so cheesy and let’s sleep, you dummy.”

 

jaebum lets out another hum and reaches over to turn off the lamp, letting the room be engulfed by darkness. “g’night, jirongie. i love you.”

 

jinyoung simply nuzzles his cheek against jaebum’s chest, a little smile on his face, and that’s enough of a response for jaebum as he falls asleep with jinyoung in his arms.

 

* * *

  


jinyoung peeks into the kitchen where he had heard a loud crash. he sees jaebum hunched over the counter, shards of glass everywhere on the ground, and jinyoung realizes that jaebum might have dropped a glass.

 

he takes a few hesitant steps forward, whispering, “j-jaebummie?”

 

jaebum whirls around, making jinyoung flinch back with a whimper. jaebum immediately relaxes and his expression to turns to one of guilt. “hey, jinyoungie.”

 

jinyoung carefully approaches him, a pout on his lips. “a-are you okay?”

 

“yeah,” jaebum sighs. “i’m sorry if i scared you.”

 

“it’s okay,” jinyoung replies quietly. he sees jaebum’s hand and gasps, quickly grabbing his wrist and whimpering at the sight of the blood covering it. “y-you’re bleeding… come on, we should clean you up.”

 

jaebum allows jinyoung to lead him to the bathroom -- yugyeom sees them and tilts his head in confusion, and jinyoung whispers, “can you -- can you clean up the kitchen? be careful, okay?”

 

yugyeom nods and goes, and jinyoung pulls jaebum into the restroom. jinyoung shuts the door and turns on the light, taking out the first aid kit and mumbling to himself as he takes out what he needs. jaebum watches with a slight smile as jinyoung cleans up the blood and wraps up his hand.

 

when jinyoung finally looks up, he sees jaebum staring at him, the smile still on his face. he blushes and looks down, rubbing his thumb over jaebum’s hand as he whispers, “don’t worry me like that again.”

 

“i’m sorry,” jaebum repeats with a grim smile. “i wasn’t thinking.”

 

“what happened?” jinyoung asks, looking back up at jaebum. “what got you upset?”

 

jaebum stays silent, but when jinyoung nods reassuringly, he sighs, “my… father called.”

 

jinyoung winces and reaches up to brush jaebum’s hair away from his eyes. “what happened?”

 

“just the damn usual,” jaebum grumbles, and jinyoung holds his injured hand so jaebum wouldn’t hurt himself more. “that i shouldn’t be with you or like guys in the first place, that i’m a fag, that i should’ve been a doctor like how he wanted me to.”

 

jinyoung sighs softly and leans up to give jaebum a gentle kiss, smiling against his lips when jaebum relaxes against the kiss. “don’t listen to him,” jinyoung mumbles against jaebum’s lips. “i know you’ll say you won’t, but i also know that you’re going to be thinking about it for a while. you have other things to worry about, like--”

 

jinyoung gasps, making jaebum jolt in surprise and wince. “you shouldn’t even be up! you should be in bed because you hurt your back, you dummy! come, come!”

 

jaebum laughs as jinyoung pulls jaebum out of the bathroom and into their room. jinyoung makes jaebum lay on his stomach on the bed, after making him take off his shirt crossing his arms as he stares at him. “you’re such a dummy. why are you not resting?”

 

“you worry too much,” jaebum chuckles, but he winces when he shifts.   


jinyoung sighs and grabs jaebum’s lotion from the drawer in their night table. he gets on the bed, positioning himself in between jaebum’s legs as he pops open the lotion bottle. “relax, okay? talk to me about the other parts of your day. how’s your music project going?”

 

jaebum relaxes as jinyoung asked him to, speaking to jinyoung about his day and project as jinyoung gently massages the lotion into jaebum’s skin. jaebum’s eyes flutter shut as he speaks, and he’s suddenly overwhelmed by his feeling of appreciation and love for jinyoung, making him sniffle and hide his face against his pillow.

 

“hey,” jinyoung says gently, leaning forward to press a kiss against jaebum’s nape. “you okay? am i hurting you?”

 

“i just really appreciate you,” jaebum sniffles, not seeing how jinyoung smiles. “i really love you.”

 

“i love you, too,” jinyoung whispers, leaning back to continue massaging jaebum’s back gently. they stay in silence until there’s a timid knock on the door and yugyeom peeks in. “hey, yugy.”

 

“hi,” yugyeom smiles, entering the room. “uh -- i know jaebummie hyung probably got hurt, and by your position, his back hurts again. so i brought some snacks and all that i got when i was at the store a few hours ago.”

 

yugyeom sets down a pack of home run ball snacks and a pint of shooting star flavored ice cream. jaebum smiles at yugyeom, saying, “thanks, gyeom.”

 

“i also got you this,” yugyeom mumbles shyly, placing a pack of strawberry milk cartons with cony the line character on it. “i know it’s hard for you to get this packaging for strawberry milk, so i checked for it in at least three stores before finding it.”

 

jaebum’s smile widens and he makes grabby hands, making yugyeom try not to laugh as he takes one of the cartons from the packaging, opening it and placing in a straw before handing it to jaebum. jaebum takes it happily and sips from the straw, a content expression on his face. “hyung’s cute.”

 

“yeah,” jinyoung chuckles, fond smile on his lips as watches jaebum happily drink his strawberry milk, “he is. thanks, yugy. go relax, okay?”

 

yugyeom nods and leaves, quietly shutting the door behind him. jinyoung leans forward to continue massaging jaebum’s back, smile never leaving his face as jaebum lets out little content noises. “yugy’s right. you’re as cute as ever.”

 

jaebum simply hums at him, and the comfortable silence falls over them as jinyoung finishes working the lotion onto jaebum’s back. he helps jaebum back into his shirt and grabs their snacks, grateful that yugyeom had also put down two spoons for the ice cream. they eat together, sharing their snacks while quietly conversing about silly things the other three have done that week.

 

“i meant it, you know,” jaebum whispers suddenly, making jinyoung look up at him. “i appreciate you so _so_ much. i really do.”

 

jinyoung slowly smiles, and jaebum just _loves_ the adorable way jinyoung’s cheeks would just bunch up when he smiles. “i know,” he whispers back, leaning up to kiss his jaw. “i do, too.”

 

* * *

  


when mark and bambam join their little group, jinyoung’s ecstatic, happy to have more company in the house. jaebum and jackson had already graduated, and jinyoung’s in his last year, and so he figures that bambam and mark could be close friends with youngjae and yugyeom, who don’t have too many classes and could potentially be lonely at home. he finds himself -- as well as jaebum and jackson -- growing closer to the two hybrids as well, and jinyoung feels the need to protect them.

 

a few days after the little incident at the mall, jinyoung, jaebum, mark, and bambam all sat together in jinyoung and jaebum’s room, talking to each other of their past complications.

 

jinyoung, albeit a bit hesitant, tells the two hybrids the whole story about his ex, how it gave him his anxiety and depression and mild ptsd. it ends with bambam clinging to jinyoung with tears in his eyes, and mark staring down at his lap with his fists clenched, wishing that he could have done something more than just stand up for jinyoung that day at the mall.

 

after some reassurance that jinyoung’s okay now, jaebum’s next -- he speaks of how his father basically disowned him for not living up to his “expectations”. there was the occasional beating from his father, and the unloving nature of the parental figure drove jaebum to depression as well and for him to try and live on his own. as cheesy as it sounds, jaebum softly explains that becoming close to jinyoung was basically what stopped him from doing anything rash, making jinyoung intertwine their fingers with a shy smile.

 

bambam and mark hesitate a bit for their own stories before explaining certain things. bambam freaks out when jinyoung quietly recommends that they both should go to a doctor for a check up, as well as mark refusing to tell them about bambam’s ripped ear, saying that bambam’s fear of doctors had to do with the backstory of his ear getting ripped.

 

“hey,” jinyoung says gently, pulling bambam close and stroking his hair gently. “not all doctors are bad, okay?”  


“n-no,” bambam hiccups, shaking his head frantically. “th-they’re all scary…”

 

“you wanna know something?” jinyoung says gently, and bambam nods hesitantly. “i had to go to the hospital once, and there’s lots of doctors there. but you know what? they helped me. they helped me become better.”

 

bambam whimpers, looking over at jaebum, who nods to confirm with what jinyoung said. mark reaches out to pet bambam’s hair, and bambam whispers shakily, “g-good doctor?”

 

“yeah, good doctors,” jinyoung reassures him. “and jaebummie and i will be there with you and mark hyung while you’re at the doctors, okay?”

 

“pinky promise?” bambam says, holding out his pinky timidly.

 

“pinky promise,” jinyoung reassures, linking his pinky with bambam’s before pulling away. “we’ll wait for a while before we go, okay?”

 

bambam nods, shifting away to cuddle mark again. jinyoung smiles softly and curls up against jaebum, holding his hand again as he says, “i want you two to know that we’re here for you, okay? so are sseuni, jae, and yugy.”

 

“thank you,” mark whispers with a smile. “i appreciate it. we both do.”

 

jinyoung pats the spot in between him and jaebum, and the two make room so mark and bambam can cuddle in between them. it’s a slightly tight fit, but they manage, with jaebum having an arm over mark and jinyoung over bambam, their hands intertwining in the middle. bambam smiles happily and curls up against mark, whispering, “thank you, hyungies, for helping me and markie.”

 

“you’re welcome, bam,” jaebum hums with a smile. “the both of you should rest, okay?”

 

bambam hums and his eyes flutter shut, mumbling, “nanite, hyungies”, fisting mark’s shirt and falling asleep.

 

jaebum checks on mark and stifles his chuckle when he sees that he’s already asleep. he squeezes jinyoung’s hand, whispering, “i love you. i’m proud you managed to talk about it.”

 

jinyoung smiles shyly, letting jaebum lean forward and kiss his forehead. “thank you… i love you, too. let’s just rest, okay?”

 

jaebum nods, eyes shutting as he keeps his fingers intertwined with jinyoung’s. “rest well, jirongie.”

 

* * *

  


jackson peeks into jaebum and jinyoung’s room, quietly stepping in when jaebum looks over. “hey.”

 

“hey,” jaebum hums, going back to stroking jinyoung’s hair gently. when jackson approaches them, he squeaks, making jaebum raise an eyebrow. “what is it?”

 

“i-i can come at another time,” jackson mumbles in surprise, averting his eyes.

 

jaebum looks down and chuckles softly, realizing that jackson’s referring to how he and jinyoung are both shirtless. he tugs the covers up so it’s up to jinyoung’s chin, and the younger nuzzles his cheek against jaebum’s chest. “it’s okay. i can assure you that we’re decent underneath the covers. what did you want to talk about?”

 

“nothing in particular,” jackson shrugs. “i just -- i wanted to check up on you and jinyoungie, you know? i know jinyoung’s been down lately, so…”

 

jaebum smiles gratefully, looking down at jinyoung with love in his eyes. “thanks, sseuni. he’s feeling a bit better, but if you want, you can cheer him up more when he wakes up.”

 

jackson nods at this, and he adds, “and what about you? nyoungie told me you almost went back to smoking. was it your father?”

 

“yeah,” jaebum sighs, pursing his lips as he runs his fingers through jinyoung’s hair gently. “it’s okay. jinyoung caught me before i could actually light one. he threw it out.”

 

jackson lets out a hum, and jaebum adds, “don’t worry, okay? i’m fine. you can just focus on jinyoung for now.”

 

“i’m going to worry for you as well,” jackson says firmly. “that won’t change. i’m not going to stop just because you asked me to. i’ve stuck with you and jinyoung the longest, i think i have the right to worry all i want.”

 

jaebum smiles a bit, but before he can say something, jinyoung lets out a soft whine, slowly waking up. jackson ducks down and lays on the ground to hide. jaebum rolls his eyes fondly and turns to jinyoung, who’s blinking at him sleepily. “hey, sweetheart. what’s wrong?”

 

jinyoung whimpers, his eyes glassy as he looks up at jaebum. “jaebummie?”

 

“i’m here, baby boy,” jaebum whispers, brushing jinyoung’s hair back.

 

“n-no work?” jinyoung slurs softly, struggling to keep his eyes open due to his sleepiness.

 

“no work,” jaebum confirms with a smile. “i’m staying with you the whole day, okay?”

 

“‘kay,” jinyoung mumbles. he shifts so he’s laying on top of jaebum, nuzzling his cheek against jaebum’s chest again as jaebum covers jinyoung with the bed sheets. “love you.”

 

jaebum’s smile widens at this, watching as jinyoung falls back asleep. “love you, too.”

 

jackson slowly gets back up when jaebum gives him a little thumbs up, an eyebrow raised in surprise. “jinyoung’s never like that when he’s sleepy.”

 

jaebum hums, going back to running his fingers through jinyoung’s hair gently. “you won’t mention this to anyone?”

 

“hm?”

 

“will you or will you not?” jaebum raises an eyebrow back at jackson. “you’ll embarrass jinyoung if you speak of it, even if it’s not a big deal. and you know how jinyoung shuts off everyone for a long time when he’s embarrassed.”

 

jackson nods that he won’t speak of it, and jaebum looks back down at jinyoung with a smile. “usually when he’s stressed, after we’re -- well, intimate -- he usually slips into this headspace for a while, y’know? it’s nothing big, he just really wants to be praised and called good. he seems to especially love being called ‘baby boy’ in that headspace. he just really wants praise and cuddles, basically.”

 

“cute,” jackson chuckles. “is that what you suggest? just praise him as platonically as possible?”

 

“basically,” jaebum says softly. “you never really see him in this headspace due to him wanting to just stay here and cuddle. but he might want to go downstairs. so if he does --”

 

“don’t tease you two about your cuddling,” jackson finishes with a smile, and jaebum smiles back. despite jackson’s constant teasing, he knows when he needs to stop and let jaebum and jinyoung cuddle when they need to. “don’t worry, i won’t. i’ll make sure the others won’t either, okay?”

 

“thank you,” jaebum whispers, wrapping his arms around jinyoung. “i’m gonna nap, so -- don’t let the others bother us, okay?”

 

jackson nods and bids him a quiet ‘goodnight’ as he leaves the room, shutting the door behind him. jaebum rubs jinyoung’s back with a smile before letting his eyes flutter shut, letting himself fall asleep.

 

when he wakes up, jinyoung’s whining at him softly, sitting up on his lap as he pouts down at him. jaebum chuckles sleepily, thumbs rubbing over jinyoung’s hips gently. “hey, jirongie.”

 

jinyoung rubs his eyes sleepily, and a rush of warmth flows through jaebum as he’s overcome by fondness and love. he pats jinyoung’s back as he whispers, “how are you feeling, baby boy?”

 

“sleepy, hyungie,” jinyoung mumbles, and he lets himself fall back against jaebum, nuzzling his nose against jaebum’s jaw. “wanna-- wanna go downstairs, though.”

 

“you sure?”

 

jinyoung nods sleepily, and jaebum sits up carefully, whispering, “can you stay here while hyung gets us some clothes?”

 

jinyoung nods, and jaebum gives him a kiss before pulling away from jinyoung gently, making sure he’s comfortable and sitting up on the bed before getting out of bed. he hears jinyoung whine softly, and jaebum quickly goes over to their closet to grab their shirts and sweatpants. he comes back to jinyoung and dresses him up before putting on his own clothes. jinyoung makes grabby hands, a pout on his lips. jaebum chuckles and picks him up, patting his butt gently as he exits their room and goes downstairs with jinyoung in his arms.

 

“hyungies!” bambam exclaims, rushing over to them as soon as jaebum walks into the living room. he waves at them excitedly, cooing, “hyungies are cute. is nyoungie hyung still sleepy?”

 

jaebum nods as he lays on the unoccupied couch, jinyoung immediately cuddling closer. “he’s been tired lately,” he says with a smile, kissing jinyoung’s forehead.  


“i think jinyoung deserves the rest,” jackson hums nonchalantly, making jinyoung peek up curiously. “he’s done really well lately, keeping up with his projects and helping us out.”

 

jinyoung’s eyes light up happily, and he looks over at jaebum with a shy smile, clearly ecstatic at the small praise. jaebum smiles back, saying, “he’s right. you’ve done so _so_ well.”

 

bambam scrambles up and rushes into the kitchen before running back, handing jinyoung something. upon closer inspection, jaebum finds that it’s his melon flavored milk with the line character sally on it. jinyoung gasps softly, and jaebum says, “you sure you want to give it, bam? isn’t that your last?”

 

“and jinyoungie deserves it!” bambam says insistently. jaebum takes it as jinyoung whispers a shy thank you, watching as jaebum opens it and puts the straw in. he holds it out for jinyoung, who happily sips the drink, eyes fluttering shut in content. “see! i’m gonna get more for him!"

 

“thank you, bam,” jaebum smiles, turning back to jinyoung. “i’m sure jirongie appreciates it.”

 

jinyoung hums happily, straw falling out of his mouth as he nuzzles against jaebum again. jaebum sets the milk to the side, and bambam skips over to yugyeom, sitting next to him and curling up next to him.

 

mark notices jinyoung sleepily staring at the chocolate in his hands, so he smiles and reaches forward, holding out a piece and saying, “you want some?”

 

jinyoung looks up at jaebum, and when jaebum shrugs, he takes the piece and mumbles his thanks as he eats it quietly. mark’s smile widens when he sees jinyoung nibble on the piece of chocolate, sitting back and relaxing next to youngjae.

 

jinyoung ends up falling back asleep a while later, making jaebum sigh softly as he strokes his hair to see that he stays asleep. he flashes jackson a grateful smile, and jackson gives him a little thumbs up in return.

 

youngjae then speaks up, saying, “hyung, you’re off of work today, yeah? we can keep it down for you and jinyoung hyung, so you can relax together.”

 

“thanks, youngjae-ah,” jaebum says sincerely, shifting a bit. “we can just have movie time right now, i know you and bam and gyeom have been wanting it for a while. we’ll just keep the volume down for jinyoungie, yeah?”

 

bambam squeaks with joy, grabbing yugyeom’s hand as he drags him up to go get some snacks from the kitchen. youngjae and jackson bicker quietly over what movie they should watch. jaebum catches mark’s gaze, and mark smirks a little, motioning to jaebum and jinyoung’s position and mouthing, “ _cute_.”

 

jaebum rolls his eyes, and he nods towards jackson and youngjae with his own smirk, raising an eyebrow at mark. the hybrid scrunches up his nose and huffs quietly, capturing jackson and youngjae’s attention. jaebum tries not to laugh as jackson and youngjae pepper mark’s cheeks with kisses, telling him how they should let mark choose the movie. mark’s cheeks turn a light pink under the affection, and jaebum can faintly hear yugyeom giving bambam a little kiss on the nose, if that’s what bambam’s happy sound was.

 

he relaxes back and smiles when jinyoung fists jaebum’s shirt, letting out a tiny huff in his sleep. jaebum just lets the relaxation and happiness flow over him, feeling content at everyone’s position now.

 

* * *

  


“jinyoungie?”

 

jaebum peeks into their room, cooing softly when he sees jinyoung pouting with a book on his lap. he gently opens the door as much as he could with the tray he’s holding, closing the door softly behind him. he goes over to jinyoung and sits next to him on the bed, balancing the tray on his lap. “how’re you feeling, honey?”

 

“i can’t breathe through my nose,” jinyoung whines, and he does sound a bit stuffed up, making jaebum chuckle. “stop laughing! you’re so _mean_.”

 

“i’m sorry, sweetie,” jaebum says. “i brought you food, though. well, soup, really. and chicken nuggets, since bam’s convinced that will help.”

 

“thanks,” jinyoung mumbles, reaching out to grab the spoon. however, jaebum takes it away from him, making jinyoung tilt his head in confusion.

 

“i’m gonna feed you,” jaebum insists, getting a spoonful of soup and raising the spoon to jinyoung’s lips carefully. “open up.”

 

jinyoung smiles at jaebum’s insistence and opens his mouth, allowing jaebum to feed him. this goes on for a while -- the two of them speaking quietly, jaebum feeding jinyoung and dabbing a cold cloth on his forehead. jinyoung tries to get jaebum to not give him so many kisses, insisting that jaebum would get sick as well.

 

jaebum sets the tray aside when the food is finished, holding jinyoung’s hand and smiling at him. he leans forward, gently pressing a kiss against jinyoung’s forehead. he pulls away after a few seconds, smile still on his lips as he looks down at jinyoung. “want to watch dramas?”

 

jinyoung nods, and jaebum strokes his cheek before grabbing his laptop, placing it in front of the two of them. he opens up the last drama they were watching, searching for the right part they stopped on. once he finds it, he lets it play, leaning back and letting jinyoung cuddle against him. they watch the drama together, jinyoung quietly pointing out things in the plot line that he likes or dislikes.

 

jaebum ends up watching jinyoung more than the drama, the voices just a background noise to him. jinyoung soon looks up in confusion to see jaebum smiling at him, and jinyoung tries to look away in embarrassment. jaebum coos and tilts jinyoung’s face back to face him, giving him a little kiss despite jinyoung’s protests. he pulls away to kiss jinyoung’s nose, mumbling, “i love you.”

 

jinyoung simply blushes and focuses back on the drama, but the way he intertwines his fingers with jaebum’s and cuddles closer makes jaebum smile brightly.

 

* * *

  


jinyoung looks over when he hears someone approach him. he watches as jaebum sits next to him on the roof, placing a bag in between them. “is that food?”

 

“i figured you might be hungry,” jaebum shrugs, pulling out boxes of takeout. “and before you ask -- yes, i made sure i got some for the others.”

 

jinyoung smiles when he hears this, accepting the box of takeout that jaebum hands him. they sit in silence as they eat, jinyoung keeping his focus on the stars. at some point, jaebum nudges him, and jinyoung turns to see jaebum holding up a piece of chicken with his chopsticks, nudging it towards jinyoung’s lips.

 

jinyoung opens his mouth and lets jaebum feed him the piece, and jaebum lets out a little hum of joy when jinyoung swallows it. he’s about to turn back to his food when jinyoung grabs a piece of meat and holds it up with a soft smile. jaebum leans forward and lets jinyoung feed him, jinyoung blushing slightly at jaebum’s fond gaze.

 

“so,” jinyoung clears his throat, turning back to the stars. “mark with sseuni and jae, and bam with yug, huh?”

 

jaebum snorts, playing with a piece of chicken. “i expected it, especially with bam and gyeom. but i didn’t expect for mark to have been pining on jackson _and_ youngjae for so long.”

 

“i felt bad,” jinyoung hums, stuffing some rice in his mouth. “when jackson and youngjae got together first, he was brooding for _so_ long. at least it didn’t take those two long to tell him that they also liked him and all.”

 

jaebum nods in agreement, stealing a piece of jinyoung’s meat. “then bam and gyeom. i’m surprised bam was the one to say something first, even if it was during an outburst. he really seemed all tensed up over it, it’s cute to see them together. you know gyeom’s teaching him how to read and write properly again? as well as how to video edit, just ‘cause bam asked? in return he’s teaching gyeom thai.”

 

“oh, that’s cute,” jinyoung coos. “it’s similar with mark. jackson’s teaching him how to read mandarin, and they’re both teaching youngjae english.”

 

jinyoung turns to jaebum with a smile, saying, “i’m glad they’re happy. i really am. those two deserve so _so_ much after what that hybrid center did to them.”

 

“did they ever tell you the full story?”

 

“only some.” jinyoung puts away his empty takeout box back into the box, and jaebum puts his in the bag as well. “and even then, it makes me want to protect them even more.”

 

jaebum smiles grimly, stroking jinyoung’s hair gently. “and that’s what we can all do, okay?”

 

jinyoung nods, and he says softly, “can i tell you something?”

 

jaebum puts the bag aside and pulls jinyoung closer. “what is it?”

 

“i’ve been thinking of cutting again,” jinyoung whispers, looking up at the stars, and he feels jaebum’s grip tighten around him. “i haven’t done anything. i thought of you and i just… couldn’t.”

 

jaebum sighs in relief, kissing jinyoung’s cheek. “i’m glad you didn’t do anything. you’re doing well, sweetie.”

 

jinyoung smiles, finding jaebum’s hand and squeezing it gently. “it’s just been an adventure these two years, huh?”

 

“it really has,” jaebum hums, and they’re right. they’ve been through their ups and downs, but here they are, safe in each other arms. “i’m glad we’re both okay. that _you’re_ okay.”

 

“so am i,” jinyoung says, making jaebum tilt his head. “if i wasn’t, i wouldn’t be here with you. i wouldn’t have been able to meet the others.”

 

“that’s the kind of thinking i want from you,” jaebum chuckles, tilting jinyoung’s head towards him and kissing him gently. “i'm so proud of you. i really am.”

 

jinyoung smiles against jaebum’s lips and gives him another kiss before pulling away. jaebum looks up to see a shooting star, and he nudges jinyoung, saying, “c’mon -- you love wishing on shooting stars.”

 

“i don’t need to now.”

 

jaebum blinks in surprise, and jinyoung’s smile turns shy. “i have all that i wished for. i escaped from my ex. i have many supportive friends. i’m top of my classes. and i have the most loving boyfriend i could dream of having.”

 

jaebum grins widely, leaning his forehead against jinyoung’s. “my wishes are granted, too. i have caring friends, i’m on good terms with my mom despite my father and i’s conflict. i graduated with great scores. i made songs with my boyfriend, who is the cutest and most loving boyfriend i could ever dream of having as well.”

 

jinyoung tears up a bit, and jaebum pecks jinyoung with a little chuckle. “i love you, so so much…”

 

“i love you, too,” jaebum whispers. “happy two years, baby.”

 

“happy two years,” jinyoung whispers back, and they cuddle together under the stars, wishing for nothing more than the presence of the other.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the start of little snippets of: how jaebum calms jinyoung down when he's upset or panicking and how much they both rely on each other
> 
> or really : jjp being sappy and comforting to one another in their day to day life -- some angst, some fluff, 100% jjp loving each other

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was supposed to be one long chapter but i am IMPATIENT  
> so heres a part :) i have two other parts ready to go but........... later :)

“jinyoung-ah!”

 

jinyoung jolts up, stumbling out of his bed and leaving his room. he rushes downstairs at jackson’s sudden call, and he stops when he sees jackson looking at him with wide eyes. “jackson? what is it?”

 

jackson’s holding jinyoung’s phone, and jinyoung remembers he’s left it downstairs. he grabs it from jackson and stares at the screen that’s showing the last called number. “jackson.”

 

jackson gulps, worry in his eyes. “yeah?”

 

“why,” jinyoung starts, voice shaking as he stares back up at jackson, “is the number that last called… from the hospital?”

 

jackson himself is shaking as well, and he says quietly, “jaebum’s in the hospital.”

 

jinyoung’s world stops.

 

he can only focus on the words that are now ringing in his head --  _ jaebum’s in the hospital. jaebum’s in the hospital. _ why is he in the hospital?  _ jaebum’s in the hospital. _

 

he doesn’t register jackson’s worried cry as he falls to his knees, tears springing up in his eyes. he doesn’t know the extent of why jaebum’s in the hospital, but  _ jaebum’s in the hospital _ , and that’s all he can focus on. why is he there?

 

jackson’s patting jinyoung’s cheek and jinyoung blinks at him blearily. the tears are slowly streaming down his cheeks as his lungs constrict and he’s breathing in quick breaths, choking on air. jackson pulls jinyoung close and lets him lean against his chest, and now the only thing jinyoung can hear is jackson’s heartbeat. he tries to focus on that, eyes squeezing shut as he hiccups softly.

 

when jinyoung’s panic and worry and tears come to a stop, slowly but surely, jinyoung looks up at jackson, who winces because jinyoung looks so  _ broken _ . “wh-why is he at the hospital?”

 

jackson bites his lip, and bambam hops off the couch to come over, holding jinyoung’s hand and rubbing his knuckles. he’s uncharacteristically quiet, but the gesture calms jinyoung down even further. “you know how he had to go somewhere -- i had the car around the time he had to go, so he went by bus. the bus he went on when he was coming back, it crashed…”

 

jinyoung’s breath hitches, as if he’s going to panic once more, and mark joins them as well -- it’s only the four of them, since yugyeom and youngjae are at class. mark reaches up and runs his fingers through jinyoung’s hair gently, and something about it makes jinyoung calm down before he can have another panic attack. “h-he’s okay?”

 

jackson nods in confirmation. “he’s fine, just unconscious right now. you know, his back pain still flares up every once in a while, so they think it affected his waist too, since apparently, a kid says that jaebum covered him when the crash happened. he’s okay, everyone on the bus is okay. jaebum just got a bigger hit.”

 

jinyoung nods slowly, his movements a bit sluggish as he tries to stand. he almost falls over, and jackson catches him immediately, helping jinyoung steady himself as mark and bambam stand as well. “i w-wanna see him.”

 

“of course,” jackson starts. “mark and bambam… are you okay by yourselves? or would you like to come?”

 

“i wanna come,” bambam says, a pout on his lips, and jinyoung realizes why bambam’s so quiet. along with youngjae, jaebum was the one to find mark and bambam and offer to take them both in, so bambam probably looked up to jaebum as much as he did to youngjae and jinyoung. “we’re goin’. i wanna see jaebummie hyung, too.”

 

mark nods in agreement, and he goes over to the shoe rack, grabbing their shoes and placing them down in front of them. jackson helps jinyoung put on his shoes due to how much he’s shaking. bambam then helps jinyoung up again as jackson goes around to get his wallet, the keys, and his phone. mark smiles weakly at jinyoung, whispering, “don’t worry, jinyoungie. jaebum-ah will be okay, i promise.”

 

jinyoung hopes he’s right.

 

* * *

  
  


jinyoung’s sitting silently next to jaebum’s hospital bed, leg bouncing anxiously as he watches jaebum’s sleeping form. bambam and mark are sitting on the chairs against the wall, and jackson’s in the chair on the opposite side of jaebum’s bed. jinyoung’s holding jaebum’s hand and stroking his thumb over jaebum’s gently, eyes constantly flickering over to jaebum’s heart monitor.

 

soon enough, jinyoung feels jaebum’s hand move in his. jinyoung’s head jerks up, eyes wide as he watches jaebum’s eyes open slowly with a little groan. jinyoung grips jaebum’s hand and lets out a little noise in the back of his throat, unable to form any words. jaebum turns his head over to smile at jinyoung softly, whispering, “hey, jirongie.”

 

jinyoung tears up and he lets out a little sob, alerting mark and bambam, and making jackson jolt up in surprise. “y-you  _ dummy _ ! i w-was so  _ worried _ \--”

 

“hey, hey,” jaebum whispers, “i’m fine. see? i’m safe and sound.”

 

jinyoung reaches up to brush his fingers against jaebum’s forehead, against the bandages wrapped around his head. jaebum takes jinyoung’s hand and pulls it away, bringing it close to press a gentle kiss against his wrist. “i’m fine, i promise.”

 

jaebum turns to jackson with a little smile, then to mark and bambam. “hey, guys.”

 

bambam bounces up and rushes over to jaebum, mark trailing behind him. “hyung! you’re okay! you made jinyoungie hyung cry, though. he was super worried.”

 

“did i?” jaebum hum, directing his gaze to a sniffling jinyoung. “i’m really sorry, honey…”

 

“you’re such a  _ dummy _ ,” jinyoung repeats, trying to joke around, but the way his voice cracks gives it away. his voice lowers as he adds, “i was scared that i was gonna lose you…”

 

jaebum sighs in understanding and opens his arms, and jinyoung immediately hugs jaebum as much as he can so that he won’t hurt him. jackson smiles at the sight, and jaebum notices him, doing little hand motions to ask,  _ did you calm him down? _ jackson nods, and jaebum smiles in relief, nodding at jackson in thanks. 

 

“jinyoungie cried a lot,” bambam continues, playing with his hands. “i wanted to cry, too. but jinyoungie’s more important, ‘cause he’s your boyfriend! so we made sure he’s okay.”

 

“you’re all important,” jaebum starts, but mark snorts and says, “don’t deny you love jinyoung a little more.”

 

jaebum smiles sheepishly, making bambam giggle at jaebum’s antics. “i’ll admit to it. but that doesn’t make you guys insignificant. i’m fine, i promise, i’ll say it as many times as i have to.”

 

jinyoung pulls away, only to lean forward to press a kiss against jaebum’s lips. he mumbles against jaebum’s kiss, “but make sure you actually  _ show _ it.”

 

“don’t worry,” jaebum chuckles softly. “i will.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope u all enjoyed uwu


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> nightmares. jinyoung always has them, and jaebum just wishes for the day that jinyoung can be free from the clutches of his constant night terrors about his ex.
> 
> but for now, he’ll just make sure jinyoung knows he’s there and that they’re both okay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> loudly uwus  
> i had the sat today bitch i’d be surprised if i got over 1000 what the FUCK was that
> 
> ANYWAY YUGBAMS TEASERS CAME OUT YUG LOOKED GR E AT BUT OHHH MY GOSH DID I STrt crYING BC OF BAMS TEASERS FOR 10 MINUTES

jinyoung wakes up in a cold sweat, barely able to register the warm tears streaming their ways down his cheeks. his breath is quickening, and he’s unable to breathe properly as he lets out a sob, digging the heels of his hands against his eyes, trying to calm himself.

jaebum’s up almost immediately -- he’s become a light sleeper when it comes to whenever jinyoung moves suddenly. he’s sitting up next to jinyoung and he’s hugging him, whispering, “hey, hey, you’re fine. it’s okay, we’re all okay.”

jinyoung turns his head to hide his face against jaebum’s chest, sobbing as he fists jaebum’s shirt. jaebum mostly stays silent, rubbing jinyoung’s back and occasionally whispering reassuring things to him. it takes at least ten minutes, but jinyoung eventually calms, and jaebum whispers, “want to talk about the nightmare? what happened?”

jinyoung hiccups, rubbing his eyes with his fists. “y-you died. m-my ex killed you in front of me, a-and i couldn’t move to help you, s-so i had to watch you d-die--”

jaebum sucks in a breath before patting jinyoung’s cheeks gently. “hey, look at me. i’m right here, see? i’m okay. i’m not dead, nor am i dying. your ex isn’t here, he’s long gone, and if he does come back, he’ll have to deal with me again. okay?”

jinyoung nods, little hiccups slipping past his lips, and jaebum adds softly, “want to bake? that calms you.”

jinyoung nods again, this time more insistently, and jaebum gets out of bed. jinyoung makes a scared sound and jaebum picks him up immediately, cooing when jinyoung clings to him like a koala. “d-don’t leave me…”

  
“i’m not,” jaebum reassures as he carefully leaves their room and go downstairs. “i’ve got you.”

he enters the kitchen, turning on the lights, and jinyoung allows himself to slip from jaebum’s grip, placing his feet on the floor before immediately walking over to their cupboard to get the ingredients they need.

jaebum leans against the counter and watches with a soft smile as jinyoung rushes around, mumbling to himself as he throws things in the bowl and starts mixing. eventually, jinyoung looks up at jaebum, whispering, “three batches. we gotta make at least three batches. come on, jaebummie…”

jaebum’s smile turns a bit grim at this, and he moves over to grab the pans, placing the foil on it and spraying it with cooking spray. “of course, sweetie. just three? will there be more?”

“could be more, could be more,” jinyoung mumbles, grabbing a tablespoon and starting to place balls of cookie dough onto the sheets on the pan. “i dunno. i have to make lots.”

jaebum hums sadly at this, helping jinyoung scoop out cookie dough. they had a little thing -- one batch of cookies would mean that it was just a minor nightmare. two was if it was mild, three if severe, and more than three if jinyoung knew he’d be shaken up over it for the whole day or longer. “that’s okay. we can make lots. we’ll make lots for us and the others, okay?”

jinyoung nods and he grabs the first pan, putting it in the oven and starting it up. he turns back to jaebum, who’s already placing more baking sheets on more pans. jinyoung manages to smile as he and jaebum fill up three more pans until the cookie dough is all finished. the first two batches of cookies soon finish as jinyoung’s sitting on the counter, sipping from jaebum’s cony strawberry milk quietly while swinging his legs. jaebum takes out the batches and places them on the mats, letting them cool down before going back to jinyoung, slotting himself between his legs. “hey.”

“hi,” jinyoung mumbles around the straw. it falls from his mouth and he holds out the milk carton, whispering, “want some? it’s yours…”

jaebum chuckles and sips from the straw, smiling when jinyoung lets out a happy sound. he lets the straw slip from his mouth and jinyoung pulls the drink back to him, continuing to drink the milk, eyes fluttering shut with content.

jaebum coos and turns back to the cookies, carefully picking them up with the tongs and placing them in one of their cookie jars. he puts the lid back and pushes the cookie jar against the wall, and the two of them wait for the other two batches to finish. jaebum’s humming softly, his hand rubbing jinyoung’s thigh gently as he peppers jinyoung’s face with kisses.

soon enough, the other two batches finish, and jaebum takes them out, carefully placing the cookies in another jar. jinyoung watches sleepily, legs still swinging lazily as jaebum turns back to him. jaebum slots himself back between jinyoung’s legs, kissing his forehead gently. he reaches over and grabs a cookie, holding it out to jinyoung, who eagerly takes a bite and smiles sleepily at jaebum.

they look over when they hear footsteps coming downstairs, and bambam appears in the doorway. he rubs his eyes sleepily, his tail curled around his waist as he looks up at jaebum and jinyoungie. “hi, hyungies.”

“hey, bam,” jaebum says softly, “what’s wrong? why are you awake?”

“smelled cookies,” bambam mumbles. he tilts his head at jinyoung, adding, “are you okay, jinyoungie? you look sad.”

“i’m fine,” jinyoung whispers, holding jaebum’s hand. “just… a nightmare.”

bambam blinks before nodding in understanding. he moves to the fridge, and jaebum and jinyoung watch as he makes chocolate milk before handing it to jinyoung. “chocolate milk helps me so it should help you, too!”

jinyoung doesn’t have the heart to tell bambam he just drank strawberry milk, but he accepts the drink with a smile, sipping it to see bambam grin happily at him.

jaebum picks up a cookie from the cookie jar and hands it to bambam, who takes it but doesn’t move. when jaebum raises an eyebrow, bambam whispers, “this is gonna be from markie. i want one too, please…”

jaebum coos at him softly before giving him another cookie, and bambam smiles happily, whispering,”thank you! nanite, hyungies. cheer up, jinyoungie!”

jinyoung nods, and they both wish bambam goodnight as bambam walks back upstairs. jaebum turns back to jinyoung, who’s still drinking the chocolate milk. “you’ll get a tummy ache.”

“i don’t care,” jinyoung mumbles, looking up at jaebum shyly. “you’ll rub my stomach and tell me it’s okay either way.”

“that’s true,” jaebum chuckles softly. he makes sure the oven is turned off and the pans are put away before turning to jinyoung, adding, “let’s go back to bed?”

jinyoung nods, putting the milk carton in the trash and the finished cup of chocolate milk in the sink. he takes jaebum’s hand after jaebum turns off the lights and lets him lead him to their room, the two of them curling up against each other as jaebum kisses jinyoung’s nose. “‘m still scared.”

“i know, sweetie,” jaebum mumbles, rubbing jinyoung’s hips. “i wish i could stop the nightmares for you, but i can’t. but i’ll be right here when you wake up, i won’t leave you.”

jinyoung finally relaxes, and he cuddles closer to jaebum to have the reassurance that he’s here. “promise?”

“i promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <3


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “surprised to see me?” jinyoung’s ex chuckles, and jinyoung starts shaking as he takes a step back. “did you think i couldn’t find you?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry listen i swear i love jinyoung ok
> 
> alSO THIS COMEBACK IS SO GOOD   
> GOOD JOB FELLOW AHGASES FOR STREAMING SO WELL, WE’RE HIGH ON THE CHARTS TOO!!!! OUR BOYS ARE PROUD, LETS MAKE THEM GO HIGHER~

jinyoung looks up when he hears the doorbell ring, and jackson frowns over at him. “are you expecting anyone?”

jinyoung shakes his head, and he stands to go to the door. he opens it and gasps, immediately trying to close it, but the person behind it grips the door and forces it open with a grin.

“surprised to see me?” jinyoung’s ex chuckles, and jinyoung starts shaking as he takes a step back. “did you think i couldn’t find you?”

jinyoung’s voice gets caught in his throat, and the only thing he can really let out is a noise of fear. he hears jackson scramble up and peek over at the door, letting out a quiet gasp before rushing upstairs to call for jaebum.

“p-please leave me alone,” jinyoung hiccups softly, stepping back even further, only for his ex to step even closer. “go away…”

“but what if i don’t want to?” jinyoung’s ex sneers, making jinyoung whimper in fear. “just because you’ve managed to slip from my grasp again doesn’t mean i can’t find you anymore.”

mark and bambam rush downstairs with youngjae and yugyeom right behind them -- but where’s jaebum, jinyoung thinks faintly as he tries not to panic. bambam sees jinyoung’s ex and seethes quietly, huffing, “why are you here? you’re a big meanie and jinyoungie doesn’t want you-- ah!”

bambam squeaks in surprise as jinyoung’s ex pulls him close, struggling against his grip. “l-let me go!”

“don’t you hurt him,” jinyoung whispers threateningly, fists clenching. “let him go. hurting me is one thing, i’m used to it. hurt my friends and you’ll regret it.”

jinyoung’s ex chuckles darkly, gripping bambam’s chin and forcing him to look up at him. “i’m still up for my deal last time. let me keep the hybrids and i’ll leave you alone.”

bambam bites down on jinyoung’s ex’s wrist, making him yelp as he lets go of bambam, who scrambles away. jinyoung’s ex makes a move for mark, and youngjae lashes out, shoving the ex away while hiding mark behind him. this allows jinyoung’s ex to grab jinyoung by the hair, causing him to yell out in pain and thrash in his grip, trying to kick him away.

at this moment, jackson rushes downstairs with jaebum, whose eyes are flaring with anger. jackson rushes to jinyoung, pulling his fist back and punching jinyoung’s ex. jinyoung’s let go, and he collapses to the floor, wincing at the pain in his head. jackson helps jinyoung up as jaebum stomps over to jinyoung’s ex and grabs him by the collar, but jinyoung can’t hear any of the conversation that’s going on. he’s unfocused, trying to get a bearing of his surroundings as jackson keeps him steady. he faintly hears jaebum’s yelling and jinyoung’s ex falling to the ground, and suddenly jaebum’s at his side, patting his cheek in worry. “jirongie -- jirongie, are you okay? can you hear me?”

jinyoung blinks slowly, and he looks over -- he sees his ex knocked out, and he turns back to jaebum, tears springing to his eyes. jaebum coos softly and pulls him close, sliding down to the ground and placing jinyoung on his lap, rubbing his back while whispering soothing things to him. jinyoung sniffles and looks over to the others, where yugyeom’s pressing gentle kisses to bambam’s jaw, where jackson and youngjae comfort mark’s slightly shaking form. jinyoung turns back to jaebum, rubbing his eyes and hiccuping, “‘m sorry…”

“don’t be sorry, sweetie,” jaebum whispers, stroking jinyoung’s hair. “you don’t have to apologize, it’s not your fault, okay? you didn’t know and you managed to hold up well. i’m really proud of you.”

jinyoung buries his nose against jaebum’s neck, and jaebum pulls him closer to comfort him. bambam wiggles off of yugyeom’s lap to crawl over to jinyoung and jaebum, curling up against jinyoung and holding his hand. eventually, everyone goes over to comfort jinyoung, who looks up at mark and bambam with tears still in his eyes, whimpering, “a-are you two okay?”

  
“we’re fine,” mark says softly, “but are you okay?”

jinyoung nods, and jaebum tilts jinyoung’s head towards him to kiss the corner of his lips. jinyoung pouts and jaebum coos at him, pressing a proper kiss against his lips. “i’m sorry i didn’t come faster. i should’ve come immediately.”

“it’s okay,” jinyoung mumbles, hands on jaebum’s shoulders. “you came and helped, you didn’t leave me…”

“i told you i’m not gonna leave you,” jaebum reassures, grim smile on his face. “i promised.”

“hey,” jackson whispers, and jinyoung sees jackson holding out a bottle of water. he can probably see how timid jinyoung’s still feeling, and he helps jinyoung drink the water. jinyoung’s eyes flutter shut in relief at the coolness of the water. jackson puts aside the water when jinyoung’s finished, and jinyoung slumps back against jaebum. “do you need anything else?”

“i’m fine,” jinyoung says, turning his face back against jaebum’s neck. “just… want jaebummie. sorry…”

“that’s fine, hyung,” youngjae pipes up, and jinyoung can hear the others getting up with him. “we can give you two some space if you want, okay? go rest up in your room.”

jaebum smiles thankfully at them before standing, keeping his arms around jinyoung to support him. jinyoung wraps his legs around jaebum’s waist and nuzzles closer, fisting jaebum’s hair gently. jaebum carries him upstairs, whispering little reassurances in his ear as they go into their room. jaebum gently lays jinyoung down on the bed, laying next to him and brushing jinyoung’s hair away from his eyes. he then wipes away jinyoung’s tears and kisses his forehead, pulling jinyoung closer, smiling when jinyoung hides his face against jaebum’s chest. “hey, i’m here. don’t worry. nothing’s going to happen. i’ll keep you safe.”

“i know,” jinyoung mumbles, “i know. thank you. i really love you…”

“i love you, too,” jaebum whispers, stroking jinyoung’s hair. “just rest for now, okay? you deserve it. you’ve been overworking yourself.”

“okay…,” jinyoung says, allowing his eyes to flutter shut. “thank you, jaebummie. really.”

“of course,” jaebum smiles, pulling jinyoung even closer. “anything for you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ❤️❤️


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> all seven of them sit in a circle on the floor, bags of chips and soda cans all around them. it’s fairly silent, as jaebum had suggested that they have a little sit-down, in which they talk out their feelings and anything needed to talk about from their past. he had gotten this idea from jinyoung’s therapist, especially after she had known that everyone had some sort of complication in the past.
> 
> the silence becomes more deafening, and jaebum sighs, saying, “would you all like for me to go first?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UWU  
> heres softs but also s a d s  
> enjoy!!!

all seven of them sit in a circle on the floor, bags of chips and soda cans all around them. it’s fairly silent, as jaebum had suggested that they have a little sit-down, in which they talk out their feelings and anything needed to talk about from their past. he had gotten this idea from jinyoung’s therapist, especially after she had known that everyone had some sort of complication in the past.

the silence becomes more deafening, and jaebum sighs, saying, “would you all like for me to go first?”

there’s a murmur of “yes”s, and jaebum hums, reaching next to him to link his fingers with jinyoung’s. “well. let’s start off basic, i guess. i have depression. i almost ended my life once but -- jinyoung managed to stop me. it was my freshman year of college and jinyoung was almost done with his last year of high school. i was gonna jump off hangang bridge, but jirongie somehow found me and talked me out of it.”

there’s a little sniffle already form youngjae, and jackson seems very stiff -- they all did. only jinyoung really knew about this attempt, having been there to stop jaebum. jaebum purses his lips and says, “i used to smoke, but i stopped before it got too bad. i also had temporary memory loss.”

yugyeom jolts in his spot, and mark says quietly, “how?”

“i had an accident when i was b-boying,” jaebum manages to say. “i-- i remembered everything, but at the same time… not? i couldn’t remember basic things, like my passcode to my home and stuff like that, but i remembered who i was, y’know? i once stood outside jinyoung’s place for two hours because i forgot the code and didn’t want to call.”

bambam pulls his knees up to his chest, sniffling as he leans against mark. “b-but you’re okay now.”

“yeah, i am,” jaebum hums softly. “i’m also ‘disowned’ by my father. he disowned me when he found out i liked guys. that was … my sophomore year of high school? so about six years ago. i’m on good terms with my mom, though, she’s okay with it because she sees how happy jinyoungie makes me. but my father hasn’t talked to me much this whole time, only rarely to just complain. he thinks my major is also a waste of time. there isn’t much, really. that’s sort of it. besides the fact that i love jinyoung, but that’s something you all know.”

jinyoung smiles shyly and squeezes jaebum’s hand, and jaebum kisses jinyoung’s cheek gently. jinyoung shifts slightly and starts speaking. “it’s … you already know i was in a bad relationship. i don’t have to speak about it…?”

he looks at jaebum with furrowed brows, and jaebum says quietly, “maybe just a bit. not too much. i don’t want you to be uncomfortable or be triggered.”

jinyoung nods and leans against jaebum, saying, “my ex hurt me a lot. he always hit me. i can’t remember a time from when he started abusing me to when i broke it off with him that i didn’t have at least one bruise somewhere. he’d force me to do things with him…”

jinyoung starts fiddling with jaebum’s fingers, trying to calm his breathing. jaebum pulls jinyoung close, pressing his lips against jinyoung’s temple, swaying them gently so jinyoung can calm down. jinyoung inhales shakily and continues, “um, and i overdosed once. i wouldn’t do it again. i self-harmed a lot, and the thoughts of doing it again keep coming back, but jaebummie always manages to stop me…”

jinyoung pulls up his sleeve and gently runs his fingers over all the scars. “they hurt sometimes, b-but… it’s fine. it’s over now … i don’t want to talk anymore about it, i’m sorry…”

“that’s fine, i can start now,” jackson says, reaching over to wipe away the tears pooling up in youngjae’s eyes. “well, i came from hong kong when i was in my third year of high school. my parents only sent me so little money, so i fended for myself for a long time. i struggled with some form of mild depression later on, and i was really grateful when i became friends with jaebum and then jinyoung and they let me live here with them. i don’t even know where to start with how grateful i am.”

jackson plays with mark’s fingers and continues, “i ended up at the hospital once; i was in a car accident. i hurt my waist and -- i think i made jinyoungie cry out of worry. i’m okay now, but like jaebum’s back injury, it flares up every once in a while. i was on antidepressants for a while, but i stopped because i realized i was getting addicted to them. … i don’t think there’s anything else. i think that’s all.”

youngjae and yugyeom look at each other, trying to decide who should go first. youngjae purses his lips and sticks his tongue out teasingly, before speaking. “i’ll go first, then. i don’t have as much to say as you guys. i have really bad, um, anxiety? it built up during my last year of middle school or my first year of high school. thanks to jinyoungie, i, uh, got a therapist to help out? um…”

youngjae bites his lips and looks up nervously, and jinyoung shoots him a thumbs up with a smile. youngjae exhales shakily and says, “i, um, also had this accident once where my vocal chords were messed up for a while. i thought i wouldn’t have been able to sing anymore, but it healed up and i’m better now… yeah. that’s it.”

youngjae slinks back against jackson, who kisses his forehead gently and rubs his arm reassuringly. mark intertwines his fingers with youngjae, and the younger smiles shyly as he hides his face.

“yugyeommie?” jaebum says gently, and yugyeom looks up at him. “are you okay to speak? you too, mark, bambam. i don’t want you to feel uncomfortable.”

mark bites his lip, and yugyeom plays with his fingers. jaebum sighs and adds, “hey -- we’re not going to end it at a note that’s just like… depressing. we can go back and talk about happy things and just expose each other.”

yugyeom shifts in his spot, and bambam leans his head against yugyeom’s shoulder, to remind him that he’s there for yugyeom. yugyeom takes a few deep breaths before saying quietly, “i’m an orphan. i don’t have parents anymore. they died midway through my second year of high school. i got their inheritance ‘cause i’m an only child, and i didn’t want to … to bother my grandparents, so i stayed in my parents’ house and tried my best to pay all the bills with whatever money i inherited and what my grandparents send as an allowance…”

yugyeom sniffles and rubs his eyes, scrunching up his nose as he tries not to cry. bambam shifts so that he can hug yugyeom properly. yugyeom buries his nose against bambam’s hair, and the young hybrid’s tail wraps around yugyeom’s waist. jinyoung reaches over, as yugyeom’s next to jaebum, to ruffle yugyeom’s hair and stroke his cheek gently. when yugyeom calms down a bit, jaebum says softly, “gyeommie, we can stop. we can move on.”

“i wanna talk about it,” yugyeom whispers shakily, keeping his arms around bambam. “m-my parents bought the house, s-so it was theirs but… i gave it to my grandparents, i c-couldn’t keep up with it. i stayed around in some of my old friends’ places and tried to p-pay them back. but i ended up staying around in the park for a l-long time.”

yugyeom lets out a little chuckle and scrunches up his nose again, whimpering out, “j-jaebum hyung and jinyoungie hyung found me sleeping on one of the park benches one day. i think i interrupted a date of theirs… b-but they took me in and i’m really grateful…”

jaebum smiles at him as yugyeom continues, “i have depression, too, and i g-guess mild anxiety. but i’m fine, really… i’ve been getting better. i know it’ll never l-leave, but right now, i at least know how to cope properly…”

yugyeom rubs his eyes again, shaking his head insistently. “d-don’t wanna talk anymore…”

“that’s fine,” jackson pipes up, “you don’t have to. you did good, yugy.”

jaebum turns to mark, who immediately says, “i-i don’t want bammie to be here to listen. i don’t want him to remember anything all of a sudden.”

bambam doesn’t argue like they would expect, and jinyoung stands, saying, “i’ll keep him company. you’ve talked to me about it, just the two of us. i don’t want to hear it again, it still makes me sick.”

bambam stands after getting a kiss from yugyeom when he pouts at him, and follows jinyoung upstairs, already chatting animatedly with him, tail swaying around. mark purses his lips and jackson kisses his forehead gently. jaebum nods encouragingly at mark, who takes a deep breath before starting to speak:

“i got put into the hybrid center 7 years ago. my parents… they wanted to keep me, but they were told this place would keep me safe and support me, because they couldn’t support me.”

mark shudders and pulls his knees up to his chest, whispering, “the center didn’t keep me safe. they didn’t support me, or anyone else. th-they always hurt us… at least one in every pair of hybrids got a beating every other day. there was at least 100 of us.”

youngjae gasps softly, and jaebum grimaces at the thought. mark continues, “th-they’d beat us. they wouldn’t feed us a lot, too. a f-few of the hybrids… they died over there… some had to s-see hybrids being beaten to death. i didn’t have to deal with th-that, thankfully, but…”

mark hiccups, bottom lip trembling. “b-bam came a few months after me. he was so small. i just… i w-wanted to protect him immediately, you know? he was barely five feet tall at the time. i took him under my care and i’ve always protected him since. w-we grew up together, and i managed to protect him most of the time. but with his ear…”

mark runs his hands through his hair and grips his hair, shuddering as he whimpers, “i-i don’t know what happened. i think they n-needed an excuse to have someone to h-hurt, and they picked on us. th-they hurt bam so much he passed out…”

mark’s breathing quickens, and jackson rubs mark’s shoulder as yugyeom sniffles softly. mark manages to sob out, “th-they made me watch wh-while they cut the part of his ear. a-and then they — they t-touched him and — and —”

mark starts to sob, curling in on himself as he tries to catch his breath. jaebum starts to move to go and calm mark, but jackson beats him to it, pulling mark onto his lap and calming him with gentle reassurances. youngjae holds mark’s hand as mark sobs into jackson’s shoulder, and the hybrid hiccups, “th-they made me watch — i-i tried to get them to stop b-but they just — just knocked me out, too. w-woke up to bammie c-crying ‘cause he thought i was d-dead…”

mark fists jackson’s hair in one hand and tightens his grip on youngjae’s hand as he continues to sob. yugyeom stands carefully and goes into the kitchen, and jaebum shifts and moves over to mark, gently stroking mark’s hair in an attempt to calm him down. mark’s tail subconsciously wraps around jaebum’s wrist, and jaebum smiles grimly as he continues to stroke his hair.

yugyeom comes back with a bottle of water, crouching down in front of mark to hand it to him. jackson takes it carefully and opens it, helping mark drink from it. mark keeps his eyes squeezed shut as he sips from the bottle, sniffling softly when jackson pulls the bottle away gently.

jaebum turns when he hears footsteps rushing downstairs, and he sees jinyoung following a wide-eyed bambam downstairs. he raises an eyebrow at jinyoung, who motions at bambam when the younger hybrid huffs out, “i heard markie crying! and that’s _bad_!”

bambam rushes forward and cuddles up next to mark, despite the older hybrid being on jackson’s lap, hugging mark tightly. he then mumbles, “it’s okay, markie. don’t cry, i’m here.”

jinyoung sits next to jaebum, nudging the older gently and whispering, “he heard mark crying and bolted up so fast. i’ve never seen him move so quickly. their bond is really close.”

jaebum hums in agreement, and he gently tells mark, “mark? we don’t have to continue. we can stop there. we can talk about dumb little things that can make us all happy, okay?”

mark nods, and jackson gently turns him so mark’s back is to jackson’s chest, and youngjae and bambam simply cuddle even closer to him for comfort. yugyeom scoots close to jaebum, seeking some comfort, and jaebum rubs his back gently as he says, “who wants to go first?”

“i do!” bambam pipes up, surprising jaebum. “so -- so one time i was really upset. so markie found some makeup and he made his cheeks all red! and he colored the tip of his nose black. he was like a pikachu! and he kept acting like one to make me happy, even though he was also cold and upset like me. it was nice and cute.”

jinyoung smiles gently at mark, whose tears are still being wiped away gently by jackson. mark smiles back shyly, sniffling as youngjae squeezes his hand. jinyoung leans against jaebum, saying, “i’ve got one. one time, i dyed my hair this light brown -- it was the lightest color i’ve ever dyed my hair. jaebummie got really shy and he _really_ liked it, so in retaliation, he dyed his hair this rusty colored red. it ended up in a challenge of, hey, what color should we all dye our hair? jackson rebleached his hair to a more platinum blond, yugyeom dyed his hair this sort of dark blond, and youngjae just went to a lighter brown. all this because jaebum was ready to bust a nut and couldn’t keep that to himself.”

jaebum blushes brightly as youngjae starts cackling, and mark giggles a bit as he whispers, “ _that’s silly_.” jaebum scowls at jinyoung playfully, and jinyoung just grins at him cutely. jaebum sighs, knowing he can’t be mad at the younger, and he gently gives him a kiss. when he pulls away, he says in retaliation to the others, “but i was the one that wore tight and ripped jeans with a tank that day, as well as having all my earrings in, and jinyoung was the one that couldn’t keep it to himself and wore a more risque outfit in retaliation.”

jinyoung whines, crossing his arms as he sulks. bambam starts giggling as well, moving closer to yugyeom and hiding his face against his shoulder. jaebum pulls jinyoung close and kisses him again, smiling against his lips.

“i have one,” jackson chuckles, pressing his lips against mark’s jaw. “we’re all gonna attack jaebum and jinyoung today. so, jinyoungie rarely gets drunk, he really hates alcohol anyway. one time, he got really drunk because we were celebrating how well his acting project came out. so he was drunk, right? he’s like the dad friend when he’s drunk. he was doing his cute li’l dances and shimmying around. he ended up standing on the table and dancing up there with yugyeom. jaebum and i had to get them down, no matter how cute it was.”

jinyoung hides his face in embarrassment as youngjae starts laughing, and jackson continues, “when jaebum got him down, all jinyoung did was continue to do his li’l shimmy dance and do finger hearts at jaebum. hyung couldn’t even make him stop, he was watching with his dumb sappy smile.”

“he ended up dancing with him just because jinyoungie hyung whined for him to,” yugyeom adds shyly, as if he’d get scolded for saying this. youngjae snorts at this, and jaebum chuckles in embarrassment. “and then hyung kept clinging to jaebummie hyung so they ended up laying on the ground and giggling.”

“i caught them smoking weed once,” jackson says bluntly, and mark chokes on his water. “hey, hey -- you okay, sweetie? yeah? drink slowly, all right? … there we go. anyway, yeah, i caught them. jinyoung’s really giggly when he’s high. he’s also extra clingy. jaebum’s extremely protective while high, too. i think they were shirtless? and jaebum saw me and glared at me and immediately covered jinyoung with the covers. i left immediately because i knew they needed some time alone. i think they shotgun a lot.”

“we do, and jinyoung looks amazing while doing it,” jaebum confirms, and it’s surprising how much redder jinyoung’s gotten. “we rarely smoke it, just if things become way too stressful for us, especially since jinyoung hates both drugs and alcohol except for certain occasions. we end up ordering lots of pizza, probably fuck a lot--”

“moving on!” youngjae yelps, covering his ears. “no! i’m gonna think of markie hyung doing tea parties with bam.”

“oh?” jinyoung calms down a bit to raise an eyebrow. “what’s this?”

“bammie didn’t really get to live his childhood properly, so he really likes to do these things sometimes,” mark says quietly, smiling shyly when youngjae kisses his cheek. “he really likes tea parties, ‘cause he has so many plushies. it’s mostly his pokemon plushies, and i help him make voices for the plushies.”

bambam nods enthusiastically, saying, “it’s true! he’s really good at making voices for pikachu and jigglypuff.”

mark blushes softly, and he mumbles, “it’s nothing. gyeom helps sometimes, and it makes bam really happy.”

yugyeom whines, a small, “ _aish, hyung, don’t expose me!_ ” escaping his lips, but he immediately quiets down when bambam kisses his cheek with joy. jinyoung rolls his eyes in amusement, telling bambam, “bam-ah, if you ever want us to join you, then just tell us, okay?”

bambam brightens up happily and he nods enthusiastically, the look in his eyes already showing that he’s thinking of how he can get them to join him for his little tea parties. as he starts thinking of ways, yugyeom shyly raises his hand, saying, “can i say something? a funny thing? it’s more cute, actually, but...”

“of course you can,” jaebum reassures, smiling at yugyeom. “you don’t have to ask. go ahead, gyeommie.”

yugyeom relaxes and he says quietly, “there was one time, when i first started to live here, jackson hyung was out -- youngjae didn’t live with us yet. i came downstairs to check on hyungs, ‘cause i heard someone crying. i peeked into the living room and i saw jinyoungie hyung crying, and jaebummie hyung had him on his lap and was rubbing his back and telling him he was fine. i think he got triggered over something and had a panic attack? and, um, i saw jaebum letting jinyoung drink his strawberry milk, and jinyoung looked really soft and pouty. i left soon after because i didn’t want to intrude, but i think jaebum kept doing his little habit of calming jinyoung down.”

“yeah, he has this little thing to calm jinyoung down, i’ve noticed!” youngjae says eagerly. “so -- if there’s a nightmare, he calms him down by baking cookies with him. if it’s like, a panic attack, he always hugs jinyoung close and tell him he’s okay and kiss all over his face. when jinyoungie hyung calms down, he keeps giving him li’l kisses while saying stuff like, “you’re okay”, “i’m here”, and “you’re fine”. it’s really cute.”

jaebum seems flustered at how suddenly he was called out, and jinyoung turns his face to hide against jaebum’s chest. jaebum immediately kisses the top of jinyoung’s head, rubbing his back and pull him up so that jinyoung’s on his lap. mark starts giggling again at how shy jinyoung’s getting, saying, “it’s cute. i like it.”

“you won’t think it’s cute when they kick us out for a few hours at night ‘cause they want to be saucy,” jackson snorts. “when you see nyoung the next morning, he’s practically covered in hickies.”

jinyoung whines, crossing his arms. “that’s enough! you’re being embarrassing now. that’s enough for today.”

jaebum laughs, patting jinyoung’s butt gently. “i guess it is enough for today. we can continue next weekend or whenever. for now, we can just watch a movie or something, yeah?”

“i’ll get the popcorn!” bambam calls out, scrambling up and pulling yugyeom up with him, pulling him into the kitchen. jackson immediately says he’ll take care of the movies, and he starts talking to both mark and youngjae about what movie they should all watch. jinyoung looks up at jaebum shyly, a pout on his lips, and jaebum pecks him gently, chuckling when jinyoung squeaks shyly.

“i love you so much,” jaebum whispers softly, rubbing jinyoung’s hips. “i’m really proud of you. you did so well, talking about your ex. even if you didn’t say it all, you still talked, and that’s what matters. you and everyone else did well.”

jinyoung smiles, pressing his cheek against jaebum’s chest. “you did, too. we all did well.”

jaebum smiles back, kissing the top of his head again. as he hears bambam talk to yugyeom excitedly about his plushies as the popcorn pops, and hearing jackson and youngjae bicker about what movie they want to watch while mark giggles at how silly they’re being, jaebum allows his eyes to flutter shut, feeling as content as he ever could while being around everyone.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they get high. no i'm serious jjp gets high here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know Nothing about drugs i've literally never seen one and i still sometimes believe weed is just grass bc isnt it just fuckin GRASS why are u all smokin ground down GRASS
> 
> hi my names bat im 17 and i only know that cocaine is White and the effects of drugs thx to my ap psych course thanks for your time
> 
> anyway @ any of my friends reading this ily all :( again im lucky im managing to sneak on here

jaebum yawns as he goes downstairs, going straight into the kitchen, where he can smell food being cooked. he goes up to jinyoung, wrapping his arms around jinyoung’s waist and pressing his chest against jinyoung’s back as he kisses jinyoung’s cheek. “morning.”

 

“mornin’,” jinyoung mumbles, turning his face so that he can kiss jaebum properly. he turns back to the pancakes and pokes it silently with the spatula.

 

jaebum frowns gently, rubbing jinyoung’s stomach as he says, “jirongie? is something wrong?”

 

“no,” jinyoung says, flipping the pancakes. “it’s just… i don’t feel the best today.”

 

jaebum hums in understanding, watching as jinyoung places pancakes on separate plates. he smiles a bit -- he can tell which was for who. three chocolate chip pancakes for bambam and yugyeom, four strawberry pancakes for jaebum, three blueberry pancakes for jackson, three cupcake pancakes for mark, and three regular pancakes for jinyoung and youngjae. bambam and yugyeom love to have nutella and whipped cream on their pancakes, while jaebum has strawberry syrup all over his. youngjae and jinyoung have regular syrup, jackson has blueberries and blueberry syrup, while mark has icing and whipped cream on his. it was nice to see all of them settle on such a routine, and jaebum (reluctantly) pulls away from jinyoung to grab the necessary syrups and toppings.

 

jaebum helps top the pancakes as jinyoung finishes cooking the rest, and they fall into such a smooth rhythm of finishing up breakfast that they barely notice when everything’s been finished. jinyoung turns back to jaebum and leans against him, hands on jaebum’s chest as he looks up at him, whispering, “hey.”

 

“hi,” jaebum smiles, pecking jinyoung’s nose. “listen -- jackson has work, and youngjae has classes for most of the day. yugyeom can go out with mark and bambam -- he’s been meaning to show them the arcade anyway. we can have a few hours to ourselves; we can just relax, talk, anything.”

 

“promise?” jinyoung says quietly, placing his hand where jaebum’s heart is. 

 

“i promise,” jaebum nods, nuzzling his nose against jinyoung’s. “we can use our stash if we need to.”

 

jinyoung giggles, hands sliding up jaebum’s chest to wrap his arms around jaebum’s neck. “you ever wonder if mark and bambam can get high off of catnip? jackson’s got me thinkin’ about it.”

 

“you’re right,” jaebum muses, pursing his lips. “i’ve never thought about that.”

 

“thought about what?”

 

jinyoung flinches away with a squeak, but jaebum keeps his arms around his waist. he turns his head and sees jackson grinning at them sleepily. “stop scaring me like that!”

 

“sorry, good morning,” jackson hums, stretching. “what’s got you thinking?”

 

“what you apparently said on whether or not markie and bammie would get high off of catnip.”

 

“ah,” jackson nods. “a true research study.”

 

“don’t you  _ dare _ ,” jaebum warns, raising an eyebrow. “consent, jackson, consent.”

 

“i know, i know,” jackson says. he looks over at them and says, “you okay, jinyoung-ah? you look really tired and upset.”

 

“it’s just an off day for me,” jinyoung sighs, arms slipping back down to his sides. “jaebum and i are gonna have time to ourselves today.”

 

“you mean time to smoke your weed?”

 

jinyoung chokes, and jaebum rubs his back gently, saying, “yes. also -- you can go ahead and eat your pancakes.”

 

“sweet, thanks,” jackson grins, grabbing his plate and going into the dining room to sit at the table. “the others are washing up.”

 

jaebum nods, and he pulls away from jinyoung, holding his hands instead. “want to eat?”

 

jinyoung nods, letting go of jaebum’s hands to grab their plates. they go to sit down with jackson, and soon, the others join them with their own plates, and jinyoung can’t help but smile slightly as jaebum rubs his thigh reassuringly whenever jinyoung’s expression falls slightly.

 

* * *

 

jinyoung flops on the bed next to jaebum, curling up as jaebum looks over at him with a smile. “everyone left.”

 

“yeah?” jaebum hums, running his fingers through jinyoung’s hair. “let’s get started?”

 

“you sound like we’re doing some awful plan,” jinyoung giggles, sitting up slightly and watching as jaebum holds up a bag. “but yeah, of course.”

 

soon, they’re curled up against each other, jinyoung fisting jaebum’s shirt as he lazily kisses him. the blunt between jaebum’s fingers is lit, and he brings it up to jinyoung’s lips, watching as jinyoung takes a drag and slowly exhales the smoke. “i was right,” jaebum chuckles, leaning forward to kiss under jinyoung’s jaw. “you look fucking  _ great _ like this, and even better when you shotgun.”

 

jinyoung grins lazily at him, leaning his head back so that jaebum can kiss his throat. “is that so?”

 

“of course,” jaebum mumbles, pulling away to take a drag himself. he pulls jinyoung’s head back down, exhaling the smoke into jinyoung’s mouth. he watches as jinyoung’s eyes flutter shut as he lets the smoke come to him, and jaebum leans forward, going back to kissing jinyoung in a lazy and sluggish manner. “so fuckin’  _ gorgeous _ .”

 

jinyoung giggles, leg moving to be over jaebum’s hip. jaebum grabs his thigh and tugs him closer, leaning back forward to keep his lips against jinyoung’s. jinyoung’s hands come up to fist jaebum’s shirt again, and they can’t stop giggling as they continue to kiss.

 

“jaebum-ah,” jinyoung whispers, when jaebum pulls away to suck on his neck. “come on, baby, you said we can talk, yeah? let’s talk shit.”

 

“okay,” jaebum agrees, nosing against jinyoung’s jawline, making jinyoung squirm at the ticklish feeling. “talk to me, baby boy. what’s got you so down?”

 

“dumb shit,” jinyoung sighs as jaebum’s hands slip under his shirt to rub his sides. “depression and shit again.”

 

“be specific, honey,” jaebum says, and jinyoung giggles at how jaebum’s eyes narrow at him.”i wanna help.”

 

“i know you love me, but i’m insecure about this relationship and if i deserve you,” jinyoung whines, dragging out his syllables. “just wanna feel like i’m  _ good _ .”

 

“you are good,” jaebum says, chuckling as jinyoung grabs his wrist so that he can place the blunt back against his lips to take a drag. “so good.  _ my _ amazing baby boy. i would do anything for you, i wanted to beat up your ex so that he was unrecognizable just so you’d be okay.”

 

“i wish you would’ve,” jinyoung hums, smoke billowing past his lips. “i don’t wanna see him again.”

 

“that’s why we threw him in jail, remember?” jaebum grins lazily. “the fucker’s gone.”

 

“my knight in shining armor,” jinyoung says dramatically, leaning forward when jaebum beckons him to so that jaebum can shotgun the smoke into jinyoung’s mouth. “but i don’t know. i feel like -- like i’m just bein’  _ dumb _ . and i am. all i do is complain and i feel bad.”

 

“but it’s okay to complain,” jaebum reassures, “‘cause you don’t do it to get pity. you do it to get help. that’s okay.”

 

“if you say so,” jinyoung hums. he scowls at the last of the blunt in jaebum’s hand, and takes it from him, and jaebum snorts as jinyoung takes a long drag. jinyoung exhales slowly, and he squeaks as a few rings of smoke billow out. “hyung! did you see that?”

 

“ i did, sweetie,” jaebum laughs, kissing jinyoung carelessly and squeezing his thigh. “i’m proud.”

 

jinyoung grins and leans back as jaebum goes to dispose of the last of the blunt and put away the rest. jaebum lays back down and jinyoung rolls on top of him, causing jaebum to instinctively grip his waist. “what’s up, babe?”

 

jinyoung grins more at the way jaebum said it in english, saying, “your english is getting better.”

 

“of course it is,” jaebum huffs, tilting his head to the side as jinyoung nuzzles his nose against jaebum’s neck. “you’re clingy. it’s cute.”

 

“ _ i _ am cute,” jinyoung grumbles, scrunching up his nose and making jaebum whine at the sensitive feeling. “and you get whinier. that’s cute.”

 

“oh, shut up,” jaebum rolls his eyes, squeezing jinyoung’s thigh a bit more roughly this time. “be careful of what you say, baby boy.”

 

“or what, you’ll  _ punish _ me?” jinyoung sings, leaning up to grin at jaebum. “do it, coward.”

 

jaebum slaps his thigh in warning, and jinyoung squeaks, going pliant against him. “that’s what i thought.”

 

“shut up,” jinyoung grumbles. he reaches over to grab jaebum’s phone, handing it to him with an innocent smile on his face.

 

“yes, i’ll buy us pizza,” jaebum chuckles, unlocking his phone and dialing the pizza place’s number. “the usual?”

 

jinyoung nods and sits up, watching jaebum order on the phone. he pulls jaebum up so that he can nuzzle his nose against jaebum’s jaw, and jaebum chuckles as he strokes jinyoung’s hair while talking on the phone. as soon as he hangs up, jinyoung wiggles his hips down with a grin, and jaebum grins back, saying, “needy baby.”

 

“shut up and kiss me,” jinyoung grumbles, and jaebum leans forward to press his lips against jinyoung’s, hands roaming everywhere…

 

* * *

 

jaebum sighs as he goes downstairs, not bothering to button up the shirt he threw on. he opens the door and quickly pays the delivery guy, taking the boxes of pizza with a smile and a nod, telling him to keep the change. he shuts the door and and goes back upstairs, stumbling a bit, and he sits down next to jinyoung, who’s laying down with his eyes closed and a lazy smile still on his face. he opens his eyes and his smile widens when he sees jaebum, sitting up and accepting the shirt jaebum passes him, slipping it on. “ _ hell yeah _ .”

 

jaebum snorts as jinyoung opens a box of pizza, immediately grabbing a slice and taking a huge bite of it. jaebum averts his gaze as jinyoung groans happily, the cheese stretching until it disconnects from his slice. instead, jaebum grabs his own slice, shoving half of it in his mouth, making jinyoung whistle, “ _ ooooh _ , we  _ love _ someone who can deepthroat a pizza.”

 

“shut the fuck  _ up _ ,” jaebum cackles, no actual resentment in his voice -- they do this every time they order pizza for just the two of them, so jaebum already expects it. “you say the dumbest things when you’re high.”

 

“so do you,” jinyoung says, kicking jaebum’s thigh. “fuck you, man.”

 

“ _ oooh _ , we got a potty mouth over here,” jaebum teases in the same tone that jinyoung used, making the younger pout. “i’m messing with you, baby. you know i love you.”

 

“of course you do,” jinyoung scoffs, shoving the rest of his slice in his mouth. “... i love you, too.”

 

soon, one and a half out of four boxes of pizza are finished, and jaebum sets the boxes to the side, figuring the others can eat it all later. they both lay under the covers, jinyoung snuggling up against jaebum with his leg over jaebum’s hips and cheek pressed against jaebum’s chest. jaebum looks down at jinyoung, admiring the blissful look on his face, whispering, “you’re so gorgeous. you always are. i love you so damn  _ much _ .”

 

“so do i, you big dummy,” jinyoung says, pressing a light kiss against jaebum’s bare chest, as jaebum  _ still _ didn’t button up his shirt. “whenever i feel down, you’re just always  _ there _ and ready somehow. i’m not sure how you do it, but i’m really grateful for it.”

 

“nevermind, you say really sappy shit when you’re high,” jaebum jokes, but he kisses jinyoung’s forehead, continuing, “it’s just my sixth sense. it’s my ‘i love jinyoung so damn much i know when something’s wrong’ sense. my seventh is for the others.”

 

“dummy,” jinyoung repeats with a snort, letting his eyes flutter shut as he yawns. “i love you, bummie. i really do.”

 

“i love you, too,” jaebum whispers back with a smile. “rest up, sweetie. i’ve got aspirin and water ready in case you get a headache when you wake up, okay?”

 

“thanks, jaebummie.” jinyoung allows himself to relax, and jaebum smiles as jinyoung’s breath evens out as he falls asleep.

 

“fuck, i really love you,” jaebum whispers, letting his eyes flutter shut as well, pulling jinyoung closer to him as he falls asleep.

 

* * *

 

(“hyung? hyung, wake up.”

 

jaebum opens his eyes in confusion, blinking a few times until he can make out jackson’s face. “oh. what’s up, jackson?”

 

“just checking up on you two,” jackson smiles. “i’ve already distracted the others with the leftover pizza. is jinyoungie feeling better after a good ol’ puff puff pass?”

 

“shut  _ up _ , you’re so embarrassing,” jaebum groans quietly. “and yeah, he is. he was just feeling really insecure and shit, but i distracted him, got his mind off of it, convinced him he was good. so we’re all okay now.”

 

“that’s good,” jackson sighs with relief. “anyway -- i actually got catnip.”

 

“ _ no _ .”

 

“i won’t give it to them right now,” jackson whines incredulously. “later. it’s okay, hyung. i know.  _ consent _ .”

 

“jinyoung is double majoring in psychology, you  _ better _ have consent or else he’ll have a 15 minute rant about ethics,” jaebum warns, “ _ again _ .”

 

“yeah, yeah,” jackson pretends to yawn as he stands. “go rest more, hyung. i’ll take care of the rowdy kids and mark.”

 

“thank you, sseun-ah,” jaebum smiles gratefully, shifting so that he’s hugging jinyoung close to him, smile widening when jinyoung’s hands come up to fist jaebum’s shirt. he lets himself fall asleep to the soft sounds of jinyoung’s breathing as the door clicks shut behind jackson, knowing he’d want nothing more besides keeping jinyoung safe and close in his hold.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is soft and Gay
> 
> also nyoungs double majoring w psych AND acting WHATTA M A N


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jinyoung and jaebum paint each other's nails and it's cute

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my unfinished fics : pls............... update us...................  
> me : J J P I N H Y B R I D A U
> 
> h-heh
> 
> this is 99.8% cute and soft uwu

“hyung?”

 

jaebum looks up from his book, setting it down next to him and smiling at jinyoung gently. “hey, baby. what’s up?”

 

jinyoung fidgets with the bag in his hands, and he approaches cautiously, sitting in front of jaebum on the bed. “um… do you mind if i, uh, do something?”

 

“of course you can,” jaebum reassures, reaching out to stroke jinyoung’s hair, knowing that there’s still times that jinyoung felt too nervous to ask something of jaebum. “what is it?”

 

jinyoung tilts the bag over and the contents inside dump onto the bed, and — “nail polish?” jaebum says curiously, before coming to a realization. “you wanna paint my nails?”

 

jinyoung nods, pursing his lips shyly and scratching his wrist. “um, yeah? i figured it could — keep me calm? since i’d be focused on one thing only…”

 

“i don’t mind you painting my nails, sweetheart,” jaebum smiles. “you can do any sort of designs you’d like, okay?”

 

“really?” jinyoung’s eyes twinkle hopefully, and jaebum chuckles, leaning forward to kiss jinyoung’s nose and nodding. jinyoung squeaks happily and sits ‘criss cross applesauce’ (jaebum always finds it cute how jinyoung always whispers it to himself as he sits in that position) and places jaebum's hands on his knees as he looks through all the nail polish and nail vinyls and sponges he has. 

 

“what are you gonna do, jirongie?” jaebum asks with a gentle smile, watching as jinyoung’s cheeks puff out in concentration.

 

“i wanna do a sunset look,” jinyoung mumbles, unconsciously intertwining his fingers his jaebum’s as he picks out nail polishes with his other hand. “i want to make it look really nice and pretty.”

 

“i’m sure whatever you do will look pretty,” jaebum hums, bringing jinyoung’s hand up to kiss his knuckles. “i trust you.”

 

jinyoung smiles at this, and he places all the nail polishes he needs in between him and jaebum. jaebum spots the oranges and pinks and purples and blacks and blues, saying, “you really know what you’re doing, huh?”

 

“mhm,” jinyoung says, picking up a base coat polish. “don’t move your hand, okay?”

 

jaebum stills his hand movements and jinyoung adjusts his grip of jaebum’s hand, holding it up with his palm so he can easily paint the nails. it’s silent as jinyoung paints all ten fingernails with the base coat, and jaebum grins when jinyoung blows slightly against the nails in an attempt for them to dry quicker. when it’s dry, jinyoung grabs a sponge, and jaebum says, “talk to me, honey — how are you gonna do it? i’m curious.”

 

“so,” jinyoung starts softly, painting on the sponge. “i’m gonna make like, a gradient? purple to red to orange to … maybe yellow? and then … oh no, no, no, i need to do this first…”

 

jaebum marvels as jinyoung picks up a bottle and shakes it slightly before opening it, applying the liquid thing … on the outside and around jaebum’s nails? “what’s this, hon’?”

 

“liquid latex,” jinyoung says, carefully applying. “it’s gonna get messy so — any nail polish that gets on it will peel off with the latex.”

 

“huh,” jaebum hums quietly, and he watches as jinyoung sets it aside to take a deep breath and gently start dabbing the sponge applicator with all the nail polish on it onto jaebum’s index finger. he holds his breath before removing the applicator, and he grins as he sees the nail polish on jaebum’s nail — it’s not perfectly neat, the sides having tiny almost unnoticeable splotches of unpainted nail, but jinyoung feels  _ proud _ for his first attempt. jaebum evidently thinks so too, as he inspects his nail with a smile, saying, “this is really pretty, jirongie. i like it.”

 

jinyoung wiggles happily, and they fall into quiet conversations as jinyoung continues to paint all of jaebum’s nails. jaebum constantly leans forward, pressing a gentle to kiss to jinyoung’s nose, his lips, his cheeks, only to smile as a pretty blush crosses jinyoung’s cheeks. “how was work today, nyoungie?”

 

“tiring,” jinyoung pouts — jaebum knows that jinyoung halfway hates his job of being a server, but he makes such good tips that he can’t bear to quit just yet. “two customers thought it would be great to try and grope my ass. i dumped water on their shirts ‘on accident’.”

 

jaebum takes a deep breath, trying not to clench his hands, knowing that it’ll mess up the nail polish. “if i was there…”

 

“i know, i know,” jinyoung giggles, “you’d beat them up. but it’s fine — i managed not to panic or anything.”

 

jinyoung finishes with jaebum’s pinky, and he smiles at how nice all ten of jaebum’s nails look like. he starts peeling off the liquid latex, adding, “besides, they left me good tips. they left me 55,000 won in tips, each. i made about 280,000 won in tips today, it was a nice tipping day.”

 

“i’m glad where you work allows you to keep all the tips you personally make,” jaebum hums, watching as the liquid latex comes off. “even though i  _ know  _ you give some away to other servers, especially if they made little. how much did you give away today?”

 

“... i gave 80,000 won to doyoung because it wasn’t his best day today,” jinyoung purses his lips. “he kept messing up — his anxiety was really through the roof today, but he seemed to calm down slightly when jaehyun came to pick him up. please don’t be upset…”

 

“i’m never upset, angel,” jaebum says, wiggling his fingers as jinyoung finishes peeling off all the liquid latex. “i really don’t mind at all.”

 

jinyoung hums and nods, picking up the nail vinyl that was shaped like a palm tree. he places it on jaebum’s nail and picks up the dark blue nail polish, saying, “how were the others today?”

 

“they were fi—“ jaebum jerks when jinyoung suddenly throws down the vinyl and polish, picking up the top coat polish instead. “you okay, sweetie?” at jinyoung’s nod and sheepish smile, jaebum shakes his head fondly as jinyoung applies the top coat and continues, “they were all fine, except… bambam was really tired and snappy today, i’m not sure why. he took a nap though, and when he woke up he was feeling much better. i don’t think he’s been sleeping well lately. youngjae also had a panic attack today, which led to yugyeom almost panicking, but jackson and mark dealt with it nicely, since i was out getting groceries and bambam was napping.”

 

jinyoung hums softly, nodding along to what jaebum’s saying. “everyone’s okay now, yeah?”

 

jaebum nods as jinyoung gently places the vinyl back on jaebum’s middle finger, dark blue polish back in his hand. “yeah, we’re all good now. mark and jacks are most likely cuddling youngjae in their room. bammie and yugy should still be downstairs watching a movie.”

 

jinyoung stays silent as he paints in the vinyl carefully, removing it slowly when he’s done, holding his breath all the while. he grins when the tree turned out nice —it wasn’t  _ perfect _ , but jinyoung was satisfied with it. he moves on to jaebum’s other hand, also on the middle finger, and paints the vinyl on it. he sets it all aside and paints another top coat on both nails, leaning back and smiling in satisfaction at the results. “all done.”

 

jaebum inspects his nails with a smile, gaze moving from his nails to jinyoung as his smile grows fondly. “they’re really pretty, jinyoung-ah. thank you, sweetie.”

 

jinyoung’s cheeks bunch up as he smiles with joy, and jaebum intertwines his fingers with jinyoung’s, thumb rubbing over jinyoung’s knuckles as he whispers, “may i also?”

 

jinyoung tilts his head. “huh?”

 

“paint your nails,” jaebum says, squeezing jinyoung’s hands. “we can match. i won’t be able to make it as good as what you did with my nails, but — you brought a lot of pastel colors, and you love pastel pink and blue, so i want to paint your nails. maybe a vinyl or two painted black so it can stand out like the trees on mine.”

 

jinyoung lights up happily, eyes sparkling with excitement. “will you really?”

 

“yeah, of course,” jaebum chuckles, picking out the two polishes he needs. “let’s do it.”

 

“you need a base coat first, silly,” jinyoung giggles, passing him the base coat polish. “you do that before starting to use the polish.”

 

jaebum smiles and does as jinyoung says, painting his nails with the base coat first. “we’re gonna match.”

 

jinyoung bounces slightly with excitement, watching as jaebum finishes painting his nails with the base coat. “good! i want us to match.”

 

jaebum coos softly, grabbing a sponge and picking up the two polishes he intended on using. “can you teach me, sweetheart?”

 

jinyoung’s eyes sparkle with joy once more as he grabs the polishes, teaching jaebum how he should use the gradient. before jaebum can press down the sponge against jinyoung’s nail, the younger clicks his tongue and says, “what are you forgetting?”

 

jaebum groans dramatically, picking up the liquid latex. “yeah, yeah, i know.”

 

as jaebum puts on the latex, jinyoung reaches for his phone with his other hand, unlocking it and searching for something. “i finished one of the songs.”

 

“oh?” jaebum hums, glancing up at jinyoung. “which one? coming home?”

 

jinyoung nods, and jaebum motions for him to play it — jinyoung was the one to write, compose, and put all of the parts together, and he wanted to see the final product. jinyoung plays it hesitantly, keeping his gaze down as the song plays. jaebum hums along to the lyrics, continuing to paint on the latex. when he’s done, he sets it aside and continues to listen to the song, a small smile growing on his face. it ends, and jaebum leans forward to kiss jinyoung gently. “it’s amazing, sweetheart.”

 

“you think so?” jinyoung mumbles shyly, peeking at jaebum through his lashes. “you’re not messing with me?”

 

“of course not,” jaebum says gently, nudging jinyoung’s knee. he leans forward once more, tip of his nose against jinyoung’s. “are you insecure again, hon’?”

 

jinyoung shrugs, still avoiding eye contact with jaebum. the older sighs and tugs him a little closer, kissing him once more, hand moving so that his thumb can stroke his cheek. jinyoung leans against his touch and whines softly when jaebum pulls away, the older whispering against his lips, “it’s really good, baby. i told you i’d never lie to you unless it’s because i’m planning a surprise. you did  _ so  _ good.”

 

jinyoung’s shy smile returns as jaebum pecks his lips once more before leaning back to reapply the polish on the sponge. he slowly and carefully presses it against one of jinyoung’s nails, removing it with a sigh of relief when it didn’t turn out terrible. he continues the little routine, giving jinyoung little smiles and soft reassurances about how much he loves him that makes jinyoung blush a pretty pink. 

 

as jaebum removes the latex when he’s finished, jinyoung suddenly asks softly, “jaebummie?”

 

“mhm?”

 

“what did you think when you saw all the scars on my body, after you helped me get away from my ex?”

 

jaebum freezes, furrowing his eyebrows as he looks up at jinyoung, who’s looking at him nervously. “why so sudden?”

 

“i just… i wondered. you never told me, and i’m curious…”

 

“well, i didn’t think you were disgusting, if that’s what you’re asking,” jaebum hums, continuing his previous actions. “i was just really concerned. how had i never noticed? i shouldn’t have believed you when i saw a few on your arm and you said it was from falling during rehearsals. i felt… guilty, in a way.”

 

“guilty?” jinyoung frowns, looking down at the faded lines on his forearm, little degrading words carved into the skin around and between the lines. “why? it wasn’t your fault.”

 

“but i knew i could’ve done something to prevent it from happening,” jaebum sighs, placing the last bit of the latex to the side, picking up the top coat polish. “i could’ve helped you escape from him sooner. i could’ve figured out that those marks weren’t accidental, but purposeful. i knew you weren’t that clumsy — if you were, your manager would have fired you long ago. but i let it be, and i shouldn’t have… i still feel guilty about it.”

 

“you don’t have to be guilty,” jinyoung whispers, wanting to intertwine his fingers with jaebum’s. “i didn’t tell you, that’s my fault. i was too much of a coward to try and leave much earlier—”

 

“don’t you call yourself that,” jaebum scolds, pointing the brush at him warningly, and it makes jinyoung smile a bit. “i don’t want to hear any of those words coming out of your mouth to describe yourself.  _ especially _ those on… on your arm.”

 

jinyoung glances back down at his arm where jaebum’s harsh gaze is directed, and the words against his skin burn slightly —  _ worthless. whore. pathetic.  _ he sighs, pursing his lips as he looks back up; jaebum’s looking up at the same time, and his gaze immediately softens the moment he makes eye contact with jinyoung — and the younger, as always, relaxes when jaebum’s gaze confirms that he’s not mad, that he’s never mad at jinyoung about this. “i’m sorry, hyung.”

 

“don’t apologize, honey,” jaebum says, voice considerably softer, as though he was afraid he had scared jinyoung. he shifts, adding, “i love you no matter what, okay? i don’t care that you’ve got so many scars on you — i’ll just continue to kiss them and remind you how much you mean to me.”

 

jinyoung’s smile widens a bit, and he sniffles, wiping at his eyes hastily. jaebum coos softly and whispers, “let’s move on, yeah? wanna teach me how to use this?”

 

jinyoung looks down at what jaebum’s referring to, and he picks up the nail stamps, saying, “you — you put a li’l dollop of nail polish on and spread it with this… then you roll this part of the brush on it and roll it — or stamp? both ways work — onto the nail. i think you do it more than once for it to show.”

 

jaebum nods along, and he picks up the black polish, inspecting all the designs carefully. he settles on one with paper airplanes, and he does as jinyoung instructed. he rolls the brush — stamp — thing — onto the design, and he takes jinyoung’s hand, inhaling shakily before rolling the stamp down onto jinyoung’s middle finger. he removes the stamper and grins when he sees that it isn’t all  _ that  _ bad — admittedly, it’s a bit messy and it doesn’t cover the whole nail, but it looked decent. he does it once more on the same nail, then twice on jinyoung’s other middle finger. he covers it with a top coat polish and leans back, saying, “done.”

 

“it’s so pretty,” jinyoung breathes, cheeks bunching up with joy. “thank you, bummie.”

 

“you’re welcome, nyoungie,” jaebum says, putting the nail polishes and vinyls and nail stamps back into the bag so jinyoung wouldn’t have to do it (the younger had pouted, but he understood when jaebum mumbled shyly about how he didn’t want his nails to accidentally get ruined).

 

jaebum sets the bag aside and motions for jinyoung to come close, and the younger does so immediately with a shy expression. jaebum pulls him closer and slips his hands underneath jinyoung’s shirt, rubbing his hips before slipping it off. jinyoung understands and slips off jaebum’s shirt as well, and jaebum flips them over gently so that he’s on top of jinyoung. 

 

jaebum leans down and gently kisses jinyoung, hands coming up to cup his cheeks. jinyoung’s fingers gently grips jaebum’s hair as he subconsciously leans his body up against jaebum’s. soon, jaebum’s lips move away from jinyoung’s lips and trails down to his chest, gently kissing all over the long scar across his abdomen. jinyoung whimpers shyly, fingers still tangled in jaebum’s hair as jaebum trails back up to kiss all over certain spots on his chest — jaebum’s remembered where all of jinyoung’s past bruises were, and whenever they have this little moment of just  _ them _ , where they indulge each other with kisses and jaebum showers jinyoung with gentle reassurances and makes sure he knows that he’s  _ worth it _ , he remembers to press kisses against those spots as well, no matter how long it takes him because there were so  _ many. _ five across his right shoulder, three on his left; two above his heart, four across his right rib; and a multitude of many  _ many  _ more across his abdomen, pelvis, hips, and thighs. 

 

jaebum’s right hand holds jinyoung’s left, their fingers intertwining, and jinyoung smiles at their nails, squeezing their hands gently as jaebum glances up at him with his own smile. jaebum’s other hand rubs over jinyoung’s hip and thigh, making sure he stays relaxed and content. jinyoung allows his eyes to flutter shut, allows himself to relax under the feeling of jaebum’s butterfly kisses all over his body. he soon opens his eyes when he feels jaebum tapping his hip, and he sees jaebum motioning to jinyoung’s pants. the younger shakes his head — “not now,” he says, and jaebum nods, moving so that they’re side by side now. 

 

they face each other, and jaebum lifts jinyoung’s left arm to press little kisses against the scars. “i love you so much,” jaebum whispers against jinyoung’s forearm. “i just want you to be okay — no more pain, no more nightmares. i know the thoughts won’t go away, but i want them to be  _ less _ , so you can just be safe and happy.”

 

“but i am,” jinyoung whispers back as jaebum moves so that their lips are a centimeter away from each other. “with you, i am. since you’ve got me out, since we began dating — i’ve been so  _ happy _ .”

 

“i’m glad,” jaebum breathes, kissing jinyoung gently, rubbing his hip. they stay like that for a while, little giggles and kisses exchanged between one another. it takes twenty minutes for someone to say something, and it’s jaebum who hums, “i’ve been thinking that we should go to han river.”

 

jinyoung freezes up in jaebum’s arms, staring at him in fear. tears well up in his eyes and spill onto his cheeks, and jaebum jerks, eyes wide as he hurriedly wipes away the tears on jinyoung;s cheeks. “babe? jinyoungie, what’s wrong?”

 

“y-you said,” jinyoung gasps out, lips trembling as he fists jaebum’s shirt, “you s-said that you wanted us to g-go to  _ han river _ .”

 

“i did,” jaebum frowns in concern. “what’s wrong with tha—  _ oh _ .”

 

realization dawns over jaebum, and he gasps softly, pulling jinyoung close. “oh, honey, no, no,  _ no _ . i didn’t mean it like that. i’m fine, we’re not going to hangang bridge, i  _ promise _ .”

 

jinyoung sniffles and looks up at jaebum, who continues softly, “i was just suggesting — you know how you said you wanted a picnic date? i know this nice spot on han river where we can have it — it’s far from a bridge, it’s at a park. i promise that’s what i meant, angel.”

 

“i-i thought you meant—” jinyoung whimpers, squeezing his eyes shut and inhaling shakily. “i-i thought you meant you w-wanted to go to h-hangang bridge a-and—”

 

“no, angel,” jaebum coos soothingly, stroking jinyoung’s cheeks until jinyoung’s eyes flutter open again. “i wouldn’t do that again. i haven’t thought about that, i promise. i meant just us on a little picnic date, away from everything. just us.”

 

jinyoung pouts and nods, and jaebum wipes away his tears again, smiling at him gently. he grabs one of jinyoung’s hands and intertwines their fingers, kissing jinyoung’s knuckles softly. “i won’t leave you, jirongie. i won’t try anything. i promise.”

 

“good,” jinyoung mumbles with a little smile, watching jaebum kiss his knuckles, the younger rubbing his thumb against jaebum’s hand as he studies the polish on their nails.”i won’t, either.”

 

“that’s good,” jaebum says, lowering their hands and kissing jinyoung’s lips again. “i love you, baby boy.”

 

“i love you, too,” jinyoung says, much calmer now. “don’t scare me like that again.”

 

“i’m sorry, angel,” jaebum chuckles at how jinyoung pouts dramatically at him. “i really didn’t mean to.”

 

“i know,” jinyoung says, hiding his face against jaebum’s chest. “i’m glad it’s not something bad.”

 

jinyoung allows himself to relax in jaebum’s hold, feeling content and warm and  _ safe. _

 

* * *

 

 

(“i got the catnip!” they hear jackson screech 15 minutes later.

 

jinyoung sits up suddenly, eyes wide as he stares at jaebum. “did he say—”

 

“he did,” jaebum sighs, getting up and slipping on his shirt, handing jinyoung his shirt. “let’s go.”

  
jinyoung grumbles about how jackson better get  _ consent _ from mark and bambam, and jaebum kisses his cheek gently, smiling when jinyoung relaxes. jinyoung grumbles at him and pulls him out of the room, unknowing of jaebum’s goofily fond smile directed towards him.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <33333333
> 
> catnip chapter / separate fic............................... it's next guys ;)

**Author's Note:**

> hope u enjoyed, i love u all!!!!!!! <3


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